Debunking Writing Myths: “Omniscient POV Is Bad”
Omniscient POV is bad—it’s lazy writing, it’s a sure sign of an amateur, it’s the same thing as head-hopping.
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Omniscient POV is not the same thing as head-hopping; those who do it well are masters of the craft and work hard at it.
Fiction written in Omniscient Point of View (OPOV) is more along the lines of what we might call Narrative Fiction. It can be any kind of story, but it’s narrated rather than seen/experienced through Deep Point of View (DPOV)—what we now see in most genre fiction. In OPOV, the author is basically narrating the story and can dip into any character’s thoughts at will. It tends to be more telling and less showing when it comes to the characters’ internal thoughts, motives, goals, actions, reactions, etc. And it’s usually written in third person—though there are stories written in omniscient style with a first-person narrator: one who witnessed what was happening but is not actually the protagonist of the story (e.g., Moby Dick).
OPOV is the style we see most often in classic literature: Jane Austen, Leo Tolstoy, Charles Dickens. For example, from Dickens’s Bleak House*:
Mr. Tulkinghorn glances over his spectacles and begins again lower down. My Lady carelessly and scornfully abstracts her attention. Sir Leicester in a great chair looks at the file and appears to have a stately liking for the legal repetitions and prolixities as ranging among the national bulwarks. It happens that the fire is hot where my Lady sits and that the hand-screen is more beautiful than useful, being priceless but small. My Lady, changing her position, sees the papers on the table–looks at them nearer—looks at them nearer still—asks impulsively, “Who copied that?”
- *In Bleak House, Dickens employed a mixed POV—alternating between third-person/present-tense and first-person/past-tense. You can read more about that here.
What separates OPOV from head-hopping is the fact that the omniscient narrator maintains a distance from the characters, even though he occasionally will let the reader in on what the character is thinking—but, again, in a style that’s more told than shown. Here’s another example of OPOV, from Jane Austen’s Sense & Sensibility:
Elinor, resolving to exert herself, though fearing the sound of her own voice, now said, “Is Mrs. Ferrars at Longstaple?”
“At Longstaple!” he replied with an air of surprise. “No, my mother is in town.”
“I meant,” said Elinor, taking up some work from the table, “to inquire after Mrs. Edward Ferrars.”
She dared not look up—but her mother and Marianne both turned their eyes upon him. He coloured, seemed perplexed, looked doubtingly, and after some hesitation, said, “Perhaps you mean—my brother—you mean Mrs.—Mrs. Robert Ferrars.”
“Mrs. Robert Ferrars!” was repeated by Marianne and her mother, in an accent of the utmost amazement—and though Elinor could not speak, even her eyes were fixed on him with the same impatient wonder. He rose from his seat and walked to the window, apparently from not knowing what to do; took up a pair of scissors that lay there, and while spoiling both them and their sheath by cutting the latter to pieces as he spoke, said, in an hurried voice,
“Perhaps you do not know—you may not have heard that my brother is lately married to—to the youngest—to Miss Lucy Steele.”
Elinor could sit no longer. She almost ran out of the room, and as soon as the door was closed, burst into tears of joy, which at first she thought would never cease.
Authors experienced with using this POV are actually narrating what’s going on inside the character’s head. It isn’t the character’s direct thoughts. Authors who write in a head-hopping style jump from one character’s thoughts to another without any transition between them, sometimes from sentence to sentence, sometimes within the same long sentence. Headhopping is jarring and sometimes confusing. For example, from my 200,000+-word “epic” written in the 1990s (before I knew anything about the craft of writing):
Brandon was impressed by Elisa’s strength and endurance. She carried some of the heavier boxes of books without even batting an eye.
When they were done carrying everything in, they both collapsed onto the parquet floor in the dining room, right next to one of the air conditioning vents. “Thanks for the help, Elisa. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. Besides, I didn’t have anything else better to do with my Friday afternoon. Well, are you ready to take the truck back now?”
“Yeah. But I think I’m going to put a dry T-shirt on. Do you want to borrow one so that you can get cleaned up a little bit before we go?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Elisa followed Brandon upstairs. She felt kind of strange now, following him up to his bedroom to borrow one of his shirts. She was getting a fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she knew it was because her crush on Brandon was increasing in intensity exponentially the more time she spent with him.
Brandon wasn’t sure what was going on in his head. The more time he spent with Elisa, the more he liked her. And the more he liked her, the more time he wanted to spend with her. They were nothing alike at all. She loved to chatter and talk and be with people all the time, and he preferred to either be by himself or just one or two other people. He realized that he felt differently about Elisa than he had about Ash when he first met her.
Can you now see the difference between OPOV and head-hopping? Omniscient POV is more of of a “godlike” viewpoint on the story and one in which the narrator of the story becomes an invisible extra character. Head-hopping is trying to write in deep-third-person POV without sticking to the rule of just one character’s viewpoint per scene—and that’s lazy writing. Omniscient POV is not bad or wrong—if you have a good grasp on how to do it and aren’t actually just head-hopping.
However, for genre fiction, editors are looking for authors who have a good command of writing Limited Third Person—meaning only one viewpoint character per scene. Limiting yourself to only one character’s viewpoint per scene will not only strengthen your story, it will also strengthen your skills as a writer. [You can break a scene into two character’s viewpoints—as long as you’re giving each character a sufficient chunk of the scene (e.g., at least 1,000 words) before changing viewpoints with a definitive scene break.]
Sub-Myth: Bestselling authors in my genre head-hop and use omniscient POV, so I can, too. Many bestselling authors are grandfathered in and don’t have to write to the same requirements that an untried, unpublished, or newly published author must live up to. Why? Well, let’s look at what they’re doing right instead of what they’re doing wrong. The reason these authors have gained bestseller status is because they’re first and foremost great storytellers. They craft compelling characters. They’re experts at generating suspense. They use words in describing the setting the way a painter uses oils to create a masterpiece. And they sell books.
What are some of your favorite examples of books written in Omniscient POV? What are some books that you thought were OPOV but now realize are head-hopping? Have you ever tried writing OPOV? How did it go for you?
Writer’s Window: Bente Gallagher & Jennie Bentley
Today, we have with us a wonderfully talented mystery and suspense author, Bente Gallagher, who also writes as Jennie Bentley. Bente and I met almost exactly one year ago when we both hitched a ride with another dear friend and Nashville author, J.T. Ellison, to the author-day event at the Manchester/Coffee County Public Library. (Shameless plug—Bente, J.T., and I, along with many other local authors, will be at the library again this Saturday. Click here for more details.)
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One lucky commenter* will win a signed copy of Mortar and Murder, A Do-It-Yourself Mystery from Berkley Prime Crime. Deadline for leaving a comment to enter the drawing is Friday. To enter the drawing, you must answer the question posed by Bente at the end of the interview. Only one comment per person will count toward the drawing. You do not need to include your e-mail address in the body of your comment—just make sure it’s correct when you sign in to leave your comment. Congratulations to Maureen Timerman who won last week’s drawing for Ronie Kendig’s book Digitalis.
- *U.S. residents only, void where prohibited. If you win the drawing, you will be ineligible for the next three drawings, though hopefully you will still come back and join in the discussion.
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Mortar and Murder
When Avery and Derek take on the renovation of a decrepit 1783 center-chimney Colonial house on a remote island off the coast of Maine, they soon get more than they bargained for.A grumpy thriller-writing neighbor, a mysterious animal that lives under the porch, and the dead body of a young woman floating in the ocean between Rowanberry Island and Waterfield Harbor conspire to make this the most thrilling and dangerous renovation Avery has ever undertaken.
Book 4 of the Do-It-Yourself Mystery series
Welcome, Bente!
What do you like best about being a writer?
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Going to work in my pajamas…?
I guess it’s a combination of a lot of things, really. The voices in my head get too loud if I don’t write down what they say occasionally, so I do it partly in self defense, so as not to go crazy. It’s nice to be able to play with my imaginary friends all day, too. Getting to make up stories for a living is great. Plus, I’ve never been a good employee. Being my own boss rocks.
What do you like least about being a writer?
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The proximity to the refrigerator makes it tough, especially combined with the sedentary lifestyle. I can’t help but wonder if I wouldn’t be in better physical shape if I had another job. Then again, I’d be in worse mental shape, between the voices in my head and the fact that I’d have a boss I’d have to answer to…
Pop, Soda, or Coke? What do you call it, and what’s your favorite variety?
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Coke is my favorite, and I call it soda. That said, I drink a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper to avoid the carbs in Coke. Tastes more like the real thing.
What’s your favorite dessert?
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That’s a tough question. Not sure I can name just one. A lot of it depends on mood. Growing up, my favorite was caramel pudding, or flan. I’m also extremely partial to tiramisu. Fresh strawberries sprinkled with sugar and served in heavy cream. Apple crisp with ice cream. Ice cream on its own, for that matter. Yeah.
What’s the most fun/interesting/crazy/scary/unique hands-on research you’ve done for a book?
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See, I became a writer so I wouldn’t have to actually do anything. Most of my research happens online. I have done a bit of ghost hunting from time to time, though, although very little of it has made its way into books yet. Maybe one day. And no, I haven’t seen a damned thing in my travels. Not sensitive enough, I guess.
What’s your favorite movie from childhood?
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Don’t know about childhood, but I do love The Goonies. Classic kid adventure story from 1985. It’s all about friendship and sticking together and saving the town from evil real estate developers. Plus it has Josh Brolin. What’s not to like?
If you were to write a novel about what your life would have been like if you’d become what you wanted to be at eight years old, what kind of character would the story be about?
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Probably a spy. Maybe a writer. Although I don’t think I considered writing as a serious career until later. Might have been an archaeologist. Or an actress. Or an artist. I wanted to be all of those at some point; I just can’t remember exactly which one it was at eight. I do know I never wanted to be a nurse or a teacher or any of those normal careers.
What makes you happy?
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Chocolate. My kids. The ocean. Going home.
What makes you nervous?
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Heights. And water. Bugs freak me out too, but that’s a lot more than mere nervousness; that’s debilitating fear.
What’s your biggest dream for the future?
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World peace? It would be nice to do my job well enough to be able to keep doing it, and to make a living at it. For my kids to grow up and be happy and healthy. For my husband to stay that way. For the world to regain its collective mind. I’m not holding my breath on that last one.
Tell us about your newest release and what you’re working on now.
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Mortar and Murder was released on January 4th. It’s the fourth book in the Do It Yourself home renovation series from Berkley Prime Crime, about a designer and a handyman who renovate houses together in a little town in Maine. In this installment, they’re working on a 1783 center-chimney Colonial on an island off the coast, when they run up against a reclusive thriller writer, a group of human traffickers, and a couple of dead bodies. The plot involves a character from DIY-2, Spackled and Spooked, and a new kitten in addition to the two Maine Coons that have been a big part of the series so far.
DIY-5 is already written and scheduled for release in October 2011, and I haven’t started writing DIY-6 yet. We’re between contracts at the moment, so we’ll just have to see how it goes and whether the publisher will want more books in the series. I’m also ahead of the game in the Savannah Martin series; the second of those, Hot Property, comes in June, and #3 is written and will be coming in 2012, God willing. I’m playing with a couple of other projects at the moment, trying to decide where to go from here. There are plenty of voices in my head with stories they want me to tell; it’s just a question of picking the right one.
Where can people find out more about you/connect with you online?
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Website: www.jenniebentley.com or www.bentegallagher.com (same site)
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jenniebentley
Twitter: www.twitter.com/jenniebentley and www.twitter.com/bentegallagher
Group blog: www.workingstiffs.blogspot.com (first Friday of the month)
Group blog: www.southernauthors.blogspot.com (every month and a half or so; it varies)
Now it’s your turn to ask the question. What question do you want to ask the commenters to answer?
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If you could turn yourself into a character in an existing book, who would you choose to be and why?
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Bente Gallagher writes the nationally bestselling Do It Yourself home renovation mysteries for Berkley Prime Crime as Jennie Bentley, and the Savannah Martin real estate mysteries for PublishingWorks as herself. A former Realtor® and renovator, she lives in Nashville with her husband and two boys, a hyperactive dog, a killer parakeet, two frogs, and a couple of goldfish. A native of Norway, she’s spent 20+ years in the US, and still hasn’t been able to kick her native accent.
Friday Fellowship–Two Urgent Prayer Requests
This is quite a divergence from what I would normally post on Fridays, but this is too important.
First, my cousin Noelle is having ankle surgery at 10 a.m. CST. Her fibula is broken in two places and they’re plating that bone, and the little tip at the bottom of the tibia is fractured, so they’ll be putting screws in there to stabilize it. Please pray for her surgeons and nurses, and for her—that she’ll have little pain; no bad reactions to the anesthesia, nerve block, or pain meds; and that she will have no complications or infections after surgery.
Second, and even more dire, is for the Phillips family. Many of you already follow Krista on Twitter, Facebook, and her blogs. Krista’s baby, Annabelle, was born with a heart defect and has been in the hospital since she was born last July. There have been many complications and setbacks along the way, but now the Phillipses are having to make decisions they’d hoped they wouldn’t have to face. I won’t try to explain it, but rather direct you to Krista’s blog to read about it there.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3–5)
The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.
(Psalm 145:18–19)
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.
(Psalm 121)
And the one song that transports me to the foot of the Throne every time:
Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Thursday Thought Provoker
Debunking Writing Myths: “Write What You Know”
“Write what you know” means you can only write about what you have personally done or experienced in the confines of your own life.
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“Write what you know” means you can use everything you’ve experienced in your life to imagine other possibilities, other worlds, other outcomes.
“Write what you know” is one of the most misunderstood instructions given about writing. Most people take it at face value, interpreting it as, “Write about only what you have personally done or experienced in the confines of your own life.” If fiction writers were to interpret it this way, we would eliminate entire genres: science fiction, fantasy, horror, historical, and 99% of mystery/crime/suspense/thriller. There would be no Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk, no Luke Skywalker, no hobbits and Middle Earth, no Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin, no Scarlett O’Hara, no Sherlock Holmes, no James Bond or Jason Bourne, no Superman or Batman, and no one would have ever heard of a man named Stephen King.
If we wrote only about what we have personally experienced, what a boring world this would be. But we have imaginations with which, as the character of Chaucer (Paul Bettany) said in A Knight’s Tale, we “give the truth scope!”
I have chosen romance as my genre. I love the process of crafting my characters and taking them through the intricate dance that is the progression of their relationship. Yet I read these types of sentiments all the time (not about me specifically, but about all romance authors): “I don’t read romance novels written by unmarried women because they have no idea what they’re talking about. Writers are supposed to write what they know, and unmarried women have no idea what it’s like to fall in love and get married—because they’re still single.”
Being as how I’m still single at thirty-nine, have never dated, and have never even been kissed, it made me question my calling to write romance. And then I made a very important realization:
Romance novels are about SINGLE people! Yep, you read that correctly. Think about it. With the exception of two small subgenres (romance in marriage and stories featuring extramarital affairs), romance novels feature as their main characters two UNmarried people facing and dealing with everything that comes along with being SINGLE. And for me, being unmarried and having lived by myself for more than ten years, I find it very easy when I read romance novels to determine if the author was married at a very young age or if she experienced some of what it is to be a single adult out on her own in this world. Those who married later—in their late twenties or after—have a much more authentic voice when creating their characters’ SINGLENESS than those who married straight out of high school or college.
I have fallen in love before—even though it didn’t turn into a romantic relationship. So I know what that feels like. I know the heartbreak of the breakup of relationships (close, intimate friendships) when the other person decides they just want out or aren’t getting what they want out of the relationship. I also know how to read, how to listen, how to observe and how to take what I read, hear, and see and apply those experiences to my stories. I’ve never worked at a TV station, but I know how to do research and had the opportunity to go down to one of the local stations and witness the prep and broadcast of the program that Alaine’s show in A Case for Love was based on. I didn’t live in the early 19th century, but I can read books that were written then, I can read research books and extrapolate and surmise what it was like to live back then.
I write what I know: I write about people.
How do you “write what you know”?
Writer’s Window: Ronie Kendig
I can’t tell you how tickled I am to kick off the 2011 Writer’s Window series with one of my very dearest writing friends, Ronie Kendig. Ronie and I met through ACFW, and quite a few years ago had the opportunity to meet up in person because she lived in the Dallas area and I was visiting my parents who lived there at the time. Since then, she’s been a “soul sister” for me—as we’ve both worked and struggled to find agents and then get published. I’ve been thrilled beyond measure to see Ronie’s success, especially with a genre/series she was told wasn’t marketable. Just goes to show what prayer and perseverance can accomplish!
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One lucky commenter* will win a signed copy of Ronie’s newest release, Digitalis, the second book in her Discarded Heroes series from Barbour Publishing. Deadline for leaving a comment to enter the drawing is Friday. To enter the drawing, you must answer the question posed by Ronie at the end of the interview. Only one comment per person will count toward the drawing. You do not need to include your e-mail address in the body of your comment—just make sure it’s correct when you sign in to leave your comment.
- *U.S. residents only, void where prohibited. If you win the drawing, you will be ineligible for the next three drawings, though hopefully you will still come back and join in the discussion.
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An Intriguing Woman Draws an Ex-Marine into a Deadly Game
Colton Neeley left his military career to take care of his four-year old daughter. Although he’s firm in his faith now, the repercussions of his former life are still evident—namely in the form of his daughter and his debilitating flashbacks from combat-related trauma. Can he muster the courage to step out of his self-imposed isolation and embrace the new woman in his life?
Piper Blum is hiding—from life and the assassins bent on destroying her family. Although smitten by Colton, she fears the day he discovers her secrets. Does their relationship, built on a foundation of lies, have a chance?
When an attempt on Piper’s life leads to another’s death, the black ops group Nightshade steps into the line of fire. Will Colton and Piper survive the mission with their love—and lives—intact? Will love cover their multitude of sins?
Click here to view the book trailer.
What do you like best about being a writer?
- I get to do what Jesus did—tell stories to reach hearts that otherwise might not be reached. It’s a wonderful gift that keeps me on my toes!
What do you like least about being a writer?
- Marketing. Plain and simple, it’s something so completely removed from things I would put on my “favorite” list. It goes against my personality/character to “sell” myself, so having to market my books is very difficult for me. But it comes with the package, so I do the best I can. Too, getting tough reviews is hard because I want people to like my characters—I mean, I love them, so I want everyone else to as well!
Pop, Soda, or Coke? What do you call it, and what’s your favorite variety?
- Soda or coke. I grew up with a Irish mom, and I also spend my early years in the northeast, and despite being in Texas for 30 years, I still use both. 😀
What’s your favorite dessert?
- It’s a tossup between my mother-in-law’s 4-Layer Dessert or Tiramisu.
What’s the most fun/interesting/crazy/scary/unique hands-on research you’ve done for a book?
- My husband is a firearms instructor, so he’s taught me some things, and some day he’s going to take me through a tactical handgun course.
What’s your favorite movie from childhood?
- Ironically, being raised by said Irish mother, I didn’t watch movies. Seriously. I had LPs of the Disney movies like Bambi and Alice in Wonderland. Oh, and an LP of (I think) the New York Philharmonic orchestra playing Peter & the Wolf with someone narrating. I *loved* that record!
If you were to write a novel about what your life would have been like if you’d become what you wanted to be at eight years old, what kind of character would the story be about?
- It would read much like my life is at this point—at eight, I wanted to be either a teacher or secretary, and I did both of those. The character would be a focused young woman who wanted to work with children, but when the demands of finances bloomed, she found herself needing a better paying job and became a secretary/admin assistant at a national Christian bookstore chain’s headquarters. 😀
What makes you happy?
- I make the choice to be happy. Life tries to intervene, but God always provides opportunities to be happy—I just have to seize them. Like—the laughter of my children. The smile on my husband’s face. Hearing that my mother-in-law or father-in-law are proud of me. Blessing my friends and family.
What makes you nervous?
- Conflict. By nature, I avoid it like the plague. I’d walk a mile to avoid something that might create conflict, pain, or tension. I feel like the contestants in Miss Congeniality—“I want World Peace.” LOL
What’s your biggest dream for the future?
- Our family wants to own land and build a home, and I think that is the biggest material goal. Spiritually, I want to be confident in who I am in Christ, and be able to share that wealth with others. As a writer, I hope to see my TV/movie option get funded and become a series on television.
Tell us about your newest release and what you’re working on now.
- Digitalis is Book 2 in the Discarded Heroes military series released through Barbour Publishing. This story is about Colton “Cowboy” Neeley who suffers from debilitating flashbacks. He’s afraid to let anyone into his life, for fear of them seeing him “out of his mind.” When he takes the risk to get to know Piper Blum, it could be the biggest mistake of his life because she’s hiding a deadly secret.
And be sure to check out the first book in the series:
After a tour of duty in a war-torn country, embattled former Navy SEAL Max Jacobs finds himself discarded and alienated from those he loves as he struggles with combat-related PTSD. His wife, Sydney, files a restraining order against him and a petition for divorce. Max is devastated. Then a mysterious man appears. He says he’s organizing a group that recycles veterans like Max. It’s a black-ops group known as Nightshade. With the chance to find purpose in life once again, Max is unable to resist the call of duty and signs on. The team handles everything with precision and lethal skill—until they’re called upon to rescue a missionary family from a rebel-infested jungle and avoid a reporter hunting their identities. Will Max yield his anger and pride to a force greater than himself—love?
And Ronie’s first book (a stand-alone novel), DEAD RECKONING, is only $2.99 to download for Kindle and Nook.
Where can people find out more about you/connect with you online?
- My main website: www.roniekendig.com
Discarded Heroes site: www.discardedheroes.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ronie.kendig
Twitter: www.twitter.com/roniekendig
Now it’s your turn to ask the question. What question do you want to ask the commenters to answer?
- We all have heroes in our lives. Some are military, many are not. If you could honor one person in your life, who would it be and why?
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Ronie Kendig grew up an Army brat, married a veteran, and they now have four children and a Golden Retriever. She has a BS in Psychology, speaks to various groups, volunteers with the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), and mentors new writers. Ronie is the author of Dead Reckoning from Abingdon Press, and the Discarded Heroes series from Barbour Publishing: Nightshade (July 2010), Digitalis (January 2011), Wolfsbane (July 2011), and Firethorn (January 2012).
A New Song for 2011
O sing to the LORD a new song,
. . . . . . For He has done wonderful things,
. . . . . . His right hand and His holy arm have gained the victory for Him.
The LORD has made known His salvation;
. . . . . . He has revealed His righteousness in the sight of the nations.
He has remembered His lovingkindness and His faithfulness to the house of Israel;
. . . . . . All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.
Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth;
. . . . . . Break forth and sing for joy and sing praises.
Sing praises to the LORD with the lyre,
. . . . . . With the lyre and the sound of melody.
With trumpets and the sound of the horn
. . . . . . Shout joyfully before the King, the LORD.
Let the sea roar and all it contains,
. . . . . . The world and those who dwell in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
. . . . . . Let the mountains sing together for joy
Before the LORD, for He is coming to judge the earth;
. . . . . . He will judge the world with righteousness
. . . . . . And the peoples with equity.
~Psalm 98, NASB
This is the text the pastor at FBC in Hot Springs preached on this morning. As someone who grew up a singer, who has always found deeper worship through music than just about anything else, this message struck home with me. Our “song” for 2010 is over. What’s the new song we’re going to sing in 2011? Will it be a song of thanksgiving for everything God has done and will do? Will it be a song of praise, enumerating the magnificent qualities and attributes of God? Will it be a song of lament over that which is lost? A song of supplication?
How often can a song of lament lead us into a song of praise? A song of supplication lead us to thanksgiving?
My first song of 2011 will be one to express my faith that God has a plan for me, for my life, for my career, this year. Which also means that there will be some verses of supplication in it, asking God for guidance, for leadership in where I’m supposed to go and what I’m supposed to be doing.
What “new song” will you start 2011 with?
Fun Friday: You Might Be from ____ If…
To close out this last week of 2010 with another “You might be…” list, I thought it would be fun to poke a little fun at where we live. I’ve put together a list for the different places I’ve lived in my life, and then it’s your turn, to post three to five “You might be from _____ if…” jokes in the comments section, poking a little fun at where you’re from. Ready?
You might be from LOUISIANA if…
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…you refer to a geographical location “way up North” and you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock, or Memphis, “where it gets real cold.”
…the four seasons in your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake.
…your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
…you know the difference between “K&B Purple” and “LSU Purple.”
…you were in college before you ever heard the word “county” or learned what it meant.
You might be from NEW MEXICO if…
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…you can correctly spell and pronounce Albuquerque, Tesuque, Cerrillos, Mesilla, and Pojoaque.
…you have been told by an out-of-state vendor that they’re going to charge you international shipping.
…you’ve been asked by youth from other states at Glorieta Youth Week if your parents are foreign missionaries when you tell them you live in New Mexico.
…your shopping list for Christmas decorations include a few dozen pounds of sand and 200 brown paper lunch bags.
…you know the answer to the question, “Red or green?”
You might be from WASHINGTON DC if…
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…you say you’re from DC because it’s easier than explaining to people that you actually live in Virginia or Maryland but it’s all basically the same place.
…you know there’s a huge difference between Northern Virginia and the rest of the state.
…you say you’re going to the mall but you don’t mean you’re going shopping.
…Washington National is and will always be “WASHINGTON NATIONAL” not “Reagan National.”
…friends who live “in your area” are actually about an hour and a half away.
…the four seasons in your year are almost winter, winter, still winter, and tourist.
You might be from NASHVILLE if…
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…you can spot tourists because only they would be rude enough to approach a celebrity out in public and ask for an autograph.
…your city flooded and you immediately ordered the T-shirt.
…you get sick of people assuming you work in the music business when you tell them where you’re from—and especially assuming it’s the country music business.
…you’re used to seeing a church and/or a Walgreens on every corner.
…you’re proud to have an iconic building in downtown named after a superhero.
…you know it truly is the best place in the world to live and miss it terribly when you have to be away for an extended period of time. 🙂
Now it’s your turn! (And, yes, you can cheat by Googling it if you want to.)
You Might Be a Southern Baptist If…
My family has been Southern Baptist back before there was such a thing as “Southern Baptists.” Because I’ve recently joined a United Methodist Church, I went online and did a search for a list of “You might be a United Methodist if…” lists. I didn’t get most of them. So I decided to stick with this list. For those of you who might have read it a few years ago when I first posted it, you might notice a few additions/changes.
You might be (or were) a Southern Baptist if . . .
. . . you join a different church and tell people that you’ve “converted” to Methodism.
. . . the Methodists fight over you because they want you on their team for Bible trivia.
. . . you think God’s presence is always strongest in the back three pews.
. . . you think preachers who wear robes are in cahoots with the communists.
. . . you believe you’re supposed to take a covered dish to heaven when you die.
. . . you have never sung the third verse of any hymn.
. . . you think the new pastor who begs the congregation to say amen during his sermon is trying to turn your church Charismatic. (Can I get an amen?)
. . . you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the “wine” referred to in the Gospels during the Last Supper was actually Welch’s grape juice.
. . . you can quote Robert’s Rules of Order but not the Ten Commandments.
. . . you’re certain that Jesus and the disciples ate fried chicken at the Last Supper.
. . . you clapped in church last Sunday and felt guilty about it all week.
. . . you woke up one morning craving fried chicken and interpreted that as a call to preach.
. . . you have more than one copy of The Baptist Faith and Message—the original (and correct) version.
. . . you help put together a secret committee at your church to discuss how to get the pastor to stick to his thirty-minute time limit so that you don’t get stuck behind the Methodists in line at Luby’s or Piccadilly every week.
. . . you are old enough to get a senior citizen discount at Shoney’s, but not old enough to promote into the senior adult Sunday School department.
. . . you think the Holy Land is in Middle Tennessee. [isn’t it?]
. . . you feel the urge to stand up and sing the doxology after they take up a collection for a charity at work.
. . . you know that alien baptism has nothing to do with extra terrestrials.
. . . you think the general assembly meets before going to Sunday School classes.
. . . you can sing all six verses of “Just As I Am” without looking at the hymn book.
. . . your church has a preacher rather than a pastor, and HIS title is Brother rather than Reverend.
. . . you buy books written in Elizabethan English because the language is easier to understand.
. . . you think “mixed-bathing” refers to men and women swimming within sight of one another at the beach.
. . . you think “academic fellowship” means a bunch of professors having a get together after church, with food involved.
. . . you think “The Association” is an organization your church belongs to and a singing group. (also you are probably reading this through bifocals)
. . . you spent your formative years as a G.A., then an Acteen, and all you have to show for it is a cardboard crown and a painted stick with a star on it.
. . . you alternate your summers vacationing in North Carolina and New Mexico.
. . . people prefer to take you and your friend from church fishing at the same time so that they can have all the beer to themselves.
. . . you think a lecture on the Early Church refers to the 8:45 service.
. . . you throw a dollar in the offering plate at church and take out over fifty cents in change.
. . . your home life refers to something in your magazine rack rather than the quality time you spend away from work.
. . . the seminary your pastor attended took its name from a point on the compass.
. . . “where two or more are gathered . . .” there’s bound to be LOTS of food.
. . . you feel guilty putting your thumb over the edge of your Bible’s cover before the preacher has finished announcing where the sermon text can be found.
. . . you still refer to “Discipleship Training” as “Training Union” or “Church Training.”
. . . you know the pledge to the Bible and the Christian flag and are intimately acquainted with the intricacies of making key racks, pot holders, and anything out of egg cartons.
. . . you consider any music without shape-notes “contemporary.”
. . . in an emergency situation, when asked to do something religious, you take up an offering.
. . . you’re on 6 standing committees (including the Committee on Committees) and three have never met.
. . . you still call it “The Baptist Sunday School Board,” and “The Baptist Bookstore,” instead of “Lifeway Christian Resources.”
Even MORE You Might Be a Writer If…
You might be a writer if . . .
• You’ve ever gone anywhere “in character” for research purposes.
• You know that critters aren’t cute little fuzzy animals, but the people who shred any delusions you may have about how wonderful your writing is.
• You would so buy the perfume “New Book Smell.”
• You buy tons of cool gel-ink or other nifty pens and cannot bypass a sale on your favorite spiral notepads even though you haven’t written longhand since the Clinton Administration.
• You found it much easier to write before you knew all the “rules.”
• Whenever you’re at the bookstore or library, you automatically look for the spot where your books will one day be shelved. Or if you’re published, you to go where you know your books are shelved to see if anyone has checked them out/bought them, because you know how many were there last time.
• You aren’t concerned when someone else talks about “the voices” not leaving them alone—in fact, you ask them about their voices and tell them about your own.
• You have random pieces of paper, envelopes, napkins, toilet tissue, and church bulletins scattered throughout your house and car that contain the chapter you’re currently writing.
• Your work uniform is jammies and/or sweats.
• You’ve started chewing coffee beans because actually making coffee means leaving your computer.
• Your diet consists of take-out, microwave/crockpot dinners (which your your five-year-old is in charge of), and CHOCOLATE. Your family has learned to deal with it.
• You know more than ten verbs to describe the way someone walked into the room.
• An ink stain on your middle finger is a badge of honor.
• Poorly written novels make you bipolar—elated knowing that you’re a better writer, and depressed because that hack got published and you can’t get past the acquisitions editor.
• You use semicolons (correctly) in e-mails, forums, and blog posts; you just can’t help yourself.
• It takes you forever to send a text message on your cell phone because it has to be properly spelled and punctuated. “Chatspeak” is totally incomprehensible (not to mention totally annoying) to you.
• Your writing would have made you wealthy by now, if only you’d bought stock in Diet Coke when you started.
• When given an essay/paper assignment in school with a ten-page length requirement, the professor turns and looks at you and says, “That means ONLY ten pages!” Your response is, “Is eight-point font okay?”
• Writing is all you can think about when you don’t have time to do it, and the last thing you want to do when you set aside time for it.
• Your coworkers show up at work with red eyes and headaches from partying too much. You show up with red eyes and headache from waking up at 3 a.m. with the perfect conflict for your story.
• You have favorite words—probably a different one each week, month, or manuscript.
• You know the difference between metaphor, allegory, and analogy—and you use all of them.
• You knew you’d never make it as a journalist when you realized you’d rather make up the story than chase down witnesses or experts for quotes and details.
• The thought of sharing a computer with someone else horrifies you. What if they accidentally download a virus? What if they change the settings in Word? WHAT IF THEY READ MY STUFF???
• You live in a constant state of “What if?”
• Getting a contract on a book that’s half-written gives you the worst case of writer’s block you’ve ever experienced.
KayeDacus.com 