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Even MORE You Might Be a Writer If…

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You might be a writer if . . .

• You’ve ever gone anywhere “in character” for research purposes.

• You know that critters aren’t cute little fuzzy animals, but the people who shred any delusions you may have about how wonderful your writing is.

• You would so buy the perfume “New Book Smell.”

• You buy tons of cool gel-ink or other nifty pens and cannot bypass a sale on your favorite spiral notepads even though you haven’t written longhand since the Clinton Administration.

• You found it much easier to write before you knew all the “rules.”

• Whenever you’re at the bookstore or library, you automatically look for the spot where your books will one day be shelved. Or if you’re published, you to go where you know your books are shelved to see if anyone has checked them out/bought them, because you know how many were there last time.

• You aren’t concerned when someone else talks about “the voices” not leaving them alone—in fact, you ask them about their voices and tell them about your own.

• You have random pieces of paper, envelopes, napkins, toilet tissue, and church bulletins scattered throughout your house and car that contain the chapter you’re currently writing.

• Your work uniform is jammies and/or sweats.

• You’ve started chewing coffee beans because actually making coffee means leaving your computer.

• Your diet consists of take-out, microwave/crockpot dinners (which your your five-year-old is in charge of), and CHOCOLATE. Your family has learned to deal with it.

• You know more than ten verbs to describe the way someone walked into the room.

• An ink stain on your middle finger is a badge of honor.

• Poorly written novels make you bipolar—elated knowing that you’re a better writer, and depressed because that hack got published and you can’t get past the acquisitions editor.

• You use semicolons (correctly) in e-mails, forums, and blog posts; you just can’t help yourself.

• It takes you forever to send a text message on your cell phone because it has to be properly spelled and punctuated. “Chatspeak” is totally incomprehensible (not to mention totally annoying) to you.

• Your writing would have made you wealthy by now, if only you’d bought stock in Diet Coke when you started.

• When given an essay/paper assignment in school with a ten-page length requirement, the professor turns and looks at you and says, “That means ONLY ten pages!” Your response is, “Is eight-point font okay?”

• Writing is all you can think about when you don’t have time to do it, and the last thing you want to do when you set aside time for it.

• Your coworkers show up at work with red eyes and headaches from partying too much. You show up with red eyes and headache from waking up at 3 a.m. with the perfect conflict for your story.

• You have favorite words—probably a different one each week, month, or manuscript.

• You know the difference between metaphor, allegory, and analogy—and you use all of them.

• You knew you’d never make it as a journalist when you realized you’d rather make up the story than chase down witnesses or experts for quotes and details.

• The thought of sharing a computer with someone else horrifies you. What if they accidentally download a virus? What if they change the settings in Word? WHAT IF THEY READ MY STUFF???

• You live in a constant state of “What if?”

• Getting a contract on a book that’s half-written gives you the worst case of writer’s block you’ve ever experienced.

4 Comments
  1. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 12:18 pm

    Laughing about the first fight my husband and I had. He downloaded the beta of a new version of Word and it changed my settings. He learned very quickly that he can do this on the desktop (which we both use, but not for my writing) but not on my laptop (which he uses, but with his own account, and which I use for writing). I am not a change for changes’ sake person in ANY area of my life, much less so with Word settings:)

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  2. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 3:12 pm

    I do write longhand – and even when I’ve got plenty of nice empty notebooks on hand, I can’t help hovering over the notebook displays at the store. I love notebooks. 🙂

    Yes, I use semicolons! And I can’t stand “Chatspeak.” And I’ve only discovered the delights of having one’s own computer this past year. Really, I don’t know how I managed before. 🙂

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  3. Jenni permalink
    Wednesday, December 29, 2010 11:25 pm

    I am not allowed to go down the school supply aisles, or near the journal displays in bookstores.
    If I ever got all of these scribbled notes together/organized I would be dangerous.

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  4. Sunday, January 2, 2011 5:50 pm

    I can read chatspeak just fine, but it drives me crazy! My sis and I both have full keyboard phones now so I don’t get very many chatspeak texts anymore.

    I filled reams and reams of notebook paper before I got my own computer. I’m a sucker now for fountain pen ink and I write longhand more now just so I can see my pretty ink!

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