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More You Might Be a Writer If . . .

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

More signs that you’re afflicted with the condition known as WRITER:

–You are more anxious about your mailman showing up an hour late than your kids.

–The “sermon notes” section of the Sunday morning bulletin comes home every week filled in with ideas or scenes for your WIP.

–The only magazine quiz you regularly fill out is the vocabulary quiz in The Writer—and you score at least 18/20 every time and cut it out to hang on your fridge.

–Your idea of a vacation is going somewhere like Denver, Houston, Dallas, or Minneapolis to attend a writer’s conference, and you never leave the hotel.

–You have a hard time explaining what you “do.”

–You–hold on, I have to check my e-mail . . .

–You do everything you can think of to procrastinate from writing, then turn the light on in the middle of the night and furtively write a few hundred words because you feel guilty for not writing.

–You can predict the next line or conflict in just about every TV show/movie you watch.

–You don’t meet “new friends”; you meet “potential characters.”

–You stay in bed ten minutes after you wake up structuring the details of your dream into a novel synopsis, complete with character descriptions, setting, and costumes.

–You’ve ever had to replace your bathroom flooring because you decided you could get a few thoughts written down while waiting for the bathtub to fill.

–You have a cup or canister filled with pens and pencils in every room of the house—and yet you can never find a pen when you really need one. You also put the dry pens back in the cup, simply because it seems like a waste to throw away a perfectly good pen casing—one of these days, you might actually buy some refills.

–Your non-writing friends/family don’t like going to the movies with you, because you don’t walk out saying, “Yeah, that was good,” you walk out saying, “If I’d written that, I would have . . .”

–You spend more on “writing stuff” every year than you do on groceries and gas combined.

–You text-message yourself while out and about so you won’t forget a great name, a piece of dialogue, or a story idea you saw/heard while you were out.

–Conversations with friends start to include the question, “You’re not going to use that in your book, are you?”

–You think Paul Bettany’s portrayal of Chaucer in A Knight’s Tale is one of the most brilliant characters ever put on film . . . and you often quote several of his lines:

    Chaucer: I’m a writer.
    Wat: A what?
    Chaucer: A wha–a what? A writer. I write, with parchment, and ink. Geoffrey Chaucer’s the name, writing’s the game. You’ve read my book? the Book of the Duchess? No? Well, it was allegorical.
    Roland: Well, we won’t hold that against you, that’s for every man to decide for himself.
    Chaucer: I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.
    Will: You lied . . .
    Chaucer: Yes . . . yes I lied. I’m a writer, I give the truth scope!

–In a group discussion/debate, you can can always see the other person’s point of view—literally. You’re composing their internal dialogue, visceral and emotional reactions while they talk.

–You’re never bored, because your characters are always there to entertain you.

  1. Tuesday, December 28, 2010 7:45 am

    Thanks for the laugh. Now I want to rewatch a Knight’s Tale. LOVE that movie, especially Chaucer. 🙂

    Sadly, I’ve called and left myself voicemail on my cell phone so I can remember to post something.


  2. Kav permalink
    Tuesday, December 28, 2010 7:51 am

    LOL love the list — especially the overflowing bathtub! Did you really do that?


    • Tuesday, December 28, 2010 10:44 am

      No, not me—I read on a blog about someone doing that years and years ago.


      • Kav permalink
        Tuesday, December 28, 2010 11:21 am

        True confession — I did it! And I was living in an apartment at the time! But I was really into a good book as I waited for the bath to fill. Kind of got carried away reading despite my dog’s insistent barking. He finally came and bopped me on the knee and raced down the hall…where the water was beginning to seep out of the bathroom. Eeeek!


  3. Tuesday, December 28, 2010 11:04 am

    I LOVE the ‘You might be a writer if…’ I’m just sitting there nodding my head and calling some out to passing friends and family =)
    My brother told me that when I marry (I’m only 16) I need to marry a writer, because “No offense, you guys are weird.” COMPLIMENT, thankyou! =)


  4. Jenni permalink
    Wednesday, December 29, 2010 3:35 am

    Thanks for the laugh! Guilty guilty guilty.
    The best ideas come when we are farthest from being able to capture them.


  5. Debra E. Marvin permalink
    Wednesday, December 29, 2010 4:49 am

    Thanks Kaye, what a treat! It’s nice to be with people who ‘get ya’…


  6. Thursday, December 30, 2010 7:25 pm

    I have never thought of texting myself…I am SOOOO using this one!!! Thanks for the TIP!


  7. Sunday, January 2, 2011 5:48 pm

    I have an Android phone now and I downloaded a sticky note app just for situations like that. Also comes in handy for quick grocery lists and saving movie times.


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