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You might be a writer if… (repost)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Signs you might be afflicted with the condition known as WRITER:

  • You would rather talk to the voices in your head than the person sitting next to you.

  • You know the research librarian’s office, cell, and home phone numbers but can’t remember your own.

  • Some of the letters on your keyboard are completely worn off.

  • You would rather write than go out.

  • Your/you’re and their/there/they’re errors send you into an apoplectic fit.

  • You get cranky if you don’t get to write.

  • You’ve ever said, “The voices are getting louder; I must go write.”

  • When talking with others, you mentally edit their dialogue and compose tags and beats.

  • You’ve heard/seen something and thought, I need to write that down.

  • You’ve ever written a scene, outline, synopsis, or character sketch on a restaurant napkin . . . and it wasn’t a paper napkin.

  • You wake up in the middle of the night and scrabble for the pen and paper you keep next to your bed to write down a scene to make the voices be quiet so you can get some sleep.

  • You end an argument with your spouse by saying, “Oh, wait, I have to write this down–this is the perfect conflict for my characters! Now, repeat what you just yelled.”

  • Getting the scene finished is more important than food, coffee, or the bathroom.

  • You have a momentary reality lapse and mention your characters’ situation as a prayer request in Sunday school.

  • A blank wall becomes the screen where the scene you’re writing takes place right in front of your eyes.

  • The easiest way for you to deal with conflict is to go home and write it into your story.

  • You have filed and cross-referenced every issue of The Writer and Writer’s Digest you’ve ever received.

  • You purposely eavesdrop when out in public.

  • At parties, your method of making conversation is to discover people in the room with interesting occupations (preferably your hero’s or heroine’s) so you can conduct research.

  • You listen to the writer’s commentary on every DVD so that you can analyze his/her writing process.

  • You have a favorite line from every movie you’ve seen.

  • You can’t write because you’re mad at one of your characters.

  • You argue with said character.

  • You have a folder on your computer labeled “Ideas.” Some of the files within this folder have only one or two words or sentences and while they made perfect sense fifteen years ago, between the software changes in that period of time garbling half the words and your own faulty memory, you have no idea what it means or where you were going with it. But you keep it anyway because you never know, you might remember it eventually.

  • You drive three hours to a city where you don’t know anyone, spend another three hours driving around the city, then drive three hours home and decide NOT to set your story there.

What are some other signs of the affliction?

  1. Monday, December 27, 2010 1:11 pm

    You might be a writer if….

    you clip interesting stories from the newspaper for book scenarios
    you search for photos of people in which to model your characters after
    you save bio information of writers and how they were first published
    you save every email correspondence from other writers who have encouraged you


  2. Monday, December 27, 2010 1:37 pm

    Not all of these apply to me but oh my, very funny!! Thanks for the laugh 🙂


  3. Lissie permalink
    Monday, December 27, 2010 6:40 pm

    I sit in bed for hours going through action and dialogue for one scene, and I can’t fall asleep until I do!


  4. Monday, December 27, 2010 8:20 pm

    …if you fiddle around with the wording of a sentence like someone who’s trying to get a station to come in on a TV with rabbit ears and tin foil :0)


  5. Jenni permalink
    Wednesday, December 29, 2010 3:44 am

    And then you marry a writer and all of these happen in spades.
    (Yes, parts of our arguments have been captured in print.)


  6. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 1:27 am

    I’m guilty on all accounts! Thanks for the laughs.


  7. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 9:04 am

    So very true. I also have a huge ass cat that insists on laying on my lap and on of my hands when I’m typing on the laptop (like now) as she either resents the lack of attention or is trying to “help”. I actually confess a few days ago when at a friends house for dinner I ran home to get my laptop because I just HAD to write and figured I could get in a few pages before dinner was ready. Thanks for the great post!


  8. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 7:27 pm

    I think it might be too late to save me … I can tick 95% of your list and my first book isn’t out until next month! I included in a recently completed manuscript the sorry tale of when I backed onto the hot oven door, painfully burning a particular part of my anatomy and screamed. My husband realised I had burnt myself (he knew I was cooking) and shouted out ‘put it under the cold tap’ as he ran through into the kitchen. When he saw the scorched on the seat of my trousers he just stood there laughing, I didn’t find it funny until afterwards. It fitted nicely into my story though! He said to me afterwards ‘Please don’t use EVERYTHING that happens to us ….’. Thanks for the laugh Kaye, excellent article!


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