Ready to WRITE–Technically
What’s the main reason writers go to conferences? It’s actually two-fold, though we may not realize it until we’ve been at it for a couple of years. First is to study the craft of writing at the feet of those who’ve been doing it much longer and more successfully than we have. Second is to learn more about the publishing industry.
There are also a few reasons why the editor/agent panels are held the first night of the conference. On the surface, it’s so we know what they’re looking for before we go into our pitch sessions. But seeing as how at most conference, all of the participating editors’ editorial needs were posted on the website months in advance (and we had to sign up for said appointments months in advance), this really becomes more of an opportunity for attendees to hear it in the editors’ own words and ask for explanations of what some of their statements mean. Underlying this is the fact that knowing what editors are looking for can help direct our minds to being open to learning things in the continuing sessions and workshops we might not have even paid attention to before. Finally, it serves as a reminder that even though we love to talk about creativity and craft when we talk about writing, this is still a business.
Which brings us to today’s letter . . .
WRITE
Technical. There is a vast difference between technical and creative writing. Technical writing is what you see in computer manuals and government contractors’ proposals. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about writing our novels with technical accuracy. Study the craft. Study grammar. Study a style book (like the Chicago Manual of Style). Study other authors’ books. As a copy editor and writer, I cringe whenever I see posts to writers’ groups (e-mail or forums) with major typos, misused homonyms (your, you’re), and bad grammar (especially subject-verb agreement/disagreement). I’m not saying I’m perfect! I’ve sent my share of e-mails that have been truly cringeworthy when I’ve gone back and reread them. But I’ve learned to take a few steps–such as having the spell-check turned on in Outlook so that my e-mails are automatically checked before they’re sent. I’ve figured out how to edit my own posts in the ACFW forums as well as the forums at my grad school. I usually edit my blog posts four or five times in the few hours after I post them. It’s the same with my writing. Sure, I’m not as careful about editing chapters before I send them to my critique partners. I try to catch everything, but that’s a major reason I have crit partners—so they can catch what I missed. But when I send a proposal or manuscript out, I need to be confident that it’s as nearly perfect technically as it can be. In judging the unpublished authors’ contest this year, I spent a lot of time focusing on grammar and technical issues on most of them because there were some fundamental problems (especially with commas, pronouns, apostrophes, and quotation marks) in the majority of the thirteen entries I judged. I only counted off a point, maybe two, but wrote nearly a page of explanation. I suggested to each of them that they find a freelance copy editor before submitting anywhere. A great story will rise above a few typos or misused commas, but editors want to see the cleanest manuscript possible. So be creative with your story, but write technically.
Truthful. I’m once again going to invoke Madeleine L’Engle and the advice she gave in Walking on Water (but in general terms, since I don’t have the book in front of me right now). In talking about truth, she explains how sometimes, it’s easier to get people to understand or accept a truth if it is presented to them in the form of a fictional story. We also see this illustrated in the parables from the Christian bible, Aesop’s Fables, and Mother Goose tales. Think about some of the truths we learned as children from nursery rhymes, bedtime stories, and fables and fairy tales. Who can forget the concept of “slow and steady wins the race”? That comes from a fable, a story made up to get a message across. In choosing a tortoise and a hare for this tale, Aesop infused truth into his fiction. The first time it was told, I’m sure people scoffed at the idea of a hare and a tortoise racing each other. Ridiculous! No one would ever believe a tortoise could win such a race. But because Aesop used the facts about each animal’s character, the truth of how each behaves, he was able to spin a story that not only was understandable and believable, but it has stood the test of time (if you don’t believe me, just watch TV for a little while and see how many commercials invoke it). Even though we’re making up stories, they must resonate as true with our readers. They must believe in the characters, even if we’re asking them to suspend their disbelief by creating fantastical worlds or creatures. Why is Lord of the Rings still so popular? Because we believe in the characters—we see the truth of humanity in each one.
Tales. Ultimately, this is what writing is all about. Telling stories. Entertaining people. It’s a tradition that can be traced back to prehistory, in the drawings on the walls of caves, in the oral traditions passed down from generation to generation. We were born with imaginations—you might say it’s written into our DNA. Our imaginations seek out tales, stories, whether real or fictional. Seventeen years ago, documentary filmmaker Ken Burns figured this out when he made his epic Civil War miniseries. So many people before him had made documentaries about the War Between the States. But no one had ever spun it into a tale the way Burns did. He made the viewer connect with the human element, individual people’s experiences, by doing more than just focusing on dates and battles as most other histories have done. He included letters, diaries, personal accounts of life at home, battlefield encounters, the cold, the heat, how they cooked, brewing their own alcohol, the sounds, sights, smells . . . the truth as seen through the tradition of storytelling. He made it into a tale by following several historical figures throughout the four years—including Elisha Hunt Rhodes (U.S.A.) and Sam Watkins (C.S.A.), two foot soldiers who were seemingly everywhere throughout the war. He put faces and voices to history and let them tell us their stories. Set your imagination free. Let go of yourself and let the characters tell the story for you.
Ready to WRITE–with Integrity
In his opening keynote address, James Scott Bell talked about how we need to be not just aware of our calling, but true to it by studying the craft and applying it by writing every day (do you sense an ongoing theme?). Anyone can be great in what they do so long as they take the time to hone their craft.
In the continuing session on writing historical fiction I attended, the instructor emphasized that not only do we need to love the story and the characters we’re writing, we need to make sure our research is impeccable—because if it isn’t, if we try to fudge it when we don’t know the facts, we not only lose the reader’s trust in our authority as writers, but it weakens the impact of the story. Which brings me to today’s letter . . .
WRITE
Integrity. It takes years, decades, to build your reputation as a person of integrity. And only one wrong word or deed to ruin it. The Random House Dictionary defines integrity as:
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
Not only are we called to have integrity in our daily lives, but we must also have it in our writing and in our professional lives. At the editor panel the first night, every editor said that they do not want anyone pitching them if the manuscript isn’t complete. Hearing that changed my plan to discuss a couple of ideas with one of the editors I’d wanted to meet with. Not only are they not complete, they’re really not more than just a few pages of synopsis. I forget if it was an agent or editor who said it, but the industry has a LONG memory. And just as in every day life, bad things are remembered a lot longer than good things.
2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.
I’ve never attended anything other than a Christian writing conference, though I was in a secular writing program for two years. I’ve been an ACFW member since 2001 and now am part of an online community of alumni and current students at SHU to continue supporting each other in our writing. In both groups, there is a sense of healthy competition along with the support we receive, knowing that there are only so many books being published and every other person writing is competing for the same slots. But I’ve heard stories about how cutthroat it is at other conferences—where not only are other conferees not supportive, but will do whatever necessary to thwart someone else. A friend shared that she attended one such conference where a workshop leader asked them to share the first lines of their novels with the person sitting beside them. No one wanted to do it because they were all so afraid someone else might steal it. Or if, in an editor meeting, someone was told the editor was looking for a certain type of story, they’d keep that information to themselves lest someone writing the same kind of book find out. I actually was faced with this exact situation at ACFW. I’d been told a certain publisher was looking for Regencies. Since I already had an appointment to meet with the editor, I was thrilled. Then another writer stopped me in the hall (after a conversation the previous night about how we were both writing Regencies) to tell me another editor mentioned to her they’re also looking for Regencies. I could have just sat there and taken the information she shared and kept my information to myself. But I immediately reciprocated and shared with her what I had learned—out of a personal desire to see my colleagues succeed as well as a professional desire to keep the writing organization “undiminished” in its reputation for a membership that is affirming and supportive.
3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship’s hull.
One of my very dear friends was really struggling at this year’s conference with professional jealousy. Early in the proceedings, we took some time away from everything else and sat in the quiet room. As we sat together, I realized I was suffering from the same affliction—only I’d let mine turn into bitterness toward one particular individual who has had quite a bit of success publishing at a very young age. I’d never met this lady before, but I was more than willing to think ill about her—and maybe make a snide remark or two about her to close friends. My integrity was impaired, not in perfect condition. I realized I needed to let go of the bitterness and just be happy for my colleague . . . and then I sought her out to start getting to know her. And you know what? I’m only sorry I didn’t have more time to spend with her.
It’s so easy to let the competitive nature of the publishing industry get to us—especially if we start looking at other writers as rivals, or someone shares a story of how they got published that just seems like it was too easy compared to our own path. For people who’ve been pursuing publication for years and never seem to make any headway—or worse, have had multiple manuscripts go all the way through the process to pub board and then be rejected—it’s so easy to become bitter, to forget to focus on our individual writing journeys and only be jealous of others’ success.
Integrity is one of the most important pieces of our identity. And once we lose it, it’s nearly impossible to get it back.
Ready to WRITE–Rejoice!
One of the things that drives me to wanting to attend writing conferences—especially the ACFW conference—is that I know how much fun I’m going to have. Yes, the long hours can be exhausting and even draining. But for those of us who go to only one major conference a year, it’s more than worth it to take a huge leap out of our comfort zone and dive into the fray of five hundred other writers.
On her blog yesterday, Rachel commented on her disappointment with the worship sessions we had this year at the conference. I share her disappointment. I know some people in attendance enjoyed the music. But because I wasn’t getting anything out of the music, I had a choice: I could either walk away with a bitter feeling about it, or I could choose to direct my concern in a positive direction (i.e., volunteering to help plan next year’s conference).
The best workshop that I attended at this year’s conference was Kim Sawyer’s “Turning Rejection into Redirection.” Not only was it a reminder that there is more than one reason why our manuscripts are rejected; we need to recognize that, and use it as motivation to redirect our energies — and maybe even our story. As a seat-of-the-pants writer, I have a general idea of where I’m going. In writing predominantly romances, I know the ending—it’s the happily ever after. I’m just not sure exactly how that HEA happens until I get there. I just have to trust in the process and continue writing—whether it means getting published or not. Which brings me to today’s letter . . .
WRITE
Rejoice! You have a wonderful gift—the gift of story. It’s a gift we share with with a multitude of people around the world, connecting us in ways we never could imagine. You have a talent, aptitude, and desire to write stories—do it to share the joy that can be found by experiencing life through someone else’s eyes/experiences. Even as an unpublished author, I have had the amazing experience of knowing that my writing has helped someone else—when a colleague told me she had gone to a specialist and been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder after hearing me talk about researching the condition for the heroine of my current contemporary romance WIP. I rejoiced that day—not in the fact that she has this disorder, nor in the fact it was my story that did this, but in the fact that something that to me seemed so simple (talking about research) helped someone else regain confidence and peace in her life. So rejoice in the gift you have—even though it may seem like a struggle now, you never know what impact the stories running through your head might have (once you get them written)!
Read. As writers we hear this over and over and over. At this year’s conference, it came up with both the agent panel and the editor panel. Louise Gouge taught a session where she showed the attendees a little about literary criticism (different from critiquing). If we want to be good writers, we must first be good readers. This is hard for me to say, because right now, I’m not a good reader. As a copy editor, it’s hard for me to pick up a book to read without noticing errors or differences in house style. As someone who has studied literary criticism and was taught to analyze everything I read, it’s hard to set that aside and just enjoy a story. Of course, it’s always a sign to me that a story is really good if I can sit down and read without doing either of those things. So, I have actually started listening to audiobooks rather than sitting down with a regular book much more often. It’s not quite the same as curling up with a good book, but I can actually “read” more each day by listening than I could by sitting down with a hard-copy book because I can listen while I’m getting ready for work in the morning, in the car, while I’m fixing dinner at night. I try to choose books from many genres, both contemporary and historical, so that I’m not limiting my own writing. This morning, I dusted off the box of The Fellowship of the Ring, determined to listen all the way through at least this first volume, if not the whole trilogy, which I’ve never done before.
Reach out. Writing can be such a solitary pursuit. And though I’ve never seen formal statistics, I would venture a guess that at least 90% of people who are serious about pursuing a writing career are introverts—meaning we’re uncomfortable surrounded by people, and that’s also the fastest way to drain us of energy. But one of the worst things we can do to our writing is become isolated. Reaching out to other writers is more than just attending conferences. In fact, as someone who was introduced to the writing community through the “trial by fire” of attending a conference first, I would recommend reaching out online first if you’re especially shy around others. Joining online groups—whether research-related topical groups, local writing groups, national associations, or even just reading a large number of writers’ blogs weekly—is a great way to get started in meeting other writers. My critique partners and I laugh about the way we came together: we met because we were reading and commenting on each other’s blogs regularly for a couple of months. Then we started e-mailing and becoming friends. Then we decided to give critiquing a chance. We quickly discovered that each of us had weaknesses that were strengths of the others’. But if we hadn’t been reaching out to other writers, we never would have found each other.
If you’re a newer writer—reach out to find those with more experience who can help you on your writing journey, who can direct you to writing organizations, seminars, or websites that helped them in their journey. If you’re an experienced writer, reach out to find newer writers you can help mentor. Because of the red MENTOR ribbon attached to my nametag at the conference, I had a couple of newer writers come to me to ask how they could find a writing mentor. Neither wrote in my genre or I would have gladly taken them on as protégés. What I suggested they do is get involved in the ACFW e-loop as well as the forums. To visit the blogs of each writer who has one listed, especially in the posts in their genre forums and start reaching out to those writers, building relationships with them, and they’ll most likely find that they’re getting “corporate” mentoring that way—and in the process will discover their mentor.
I had the privilege of being mentored/taught by two multi-published authors when I was in grad school. One broke me of all my bad writing habits, the other came in behind and picked up all the pieces and put them back together again. While I don’t want to “break” anyone, I do love mentoring younger writers—even if it’s just through spending several hours writing comments and examples on a contest entry. My goal for the next year (between now and the 2008 conference) is to find one beginning writer I can serve as a mentor for, to help that person become the writer she (or he) has the potential to be by passing along all of the wonderful knowledge I’ve received from others.
How will you reach out this year? In what are you rejoicing? And what book are you currently reading?
Ready to WRITE–Wonderfully
There is way too much detail about my experiences at the 2007 ACFW National Conference to blog about it all.
I had some great editor meetings, along with several requests for proposals, and I really enjoyed meeting my agent’s other clients at dinner Saturday night. Now I’m back home and ready to buckle down and get Peace in the Valley finished by the end of October.
Keynote speaker James Scott Bell gave an acrostic using WRITER in his closing talk yesterday morning, and for the rest of the week, I’m going to steal his idea and use WRITE to expound a little bit on what I learned, remembered, realized, etc., at the conference this week.
WRITE
Wonder. I believe all writers need to view the world around them with a sense of wonder. As a Christian, when I look around at the natural world, I constantly experience a sense of awe and wonder at the things I see—especially when I was working on a book at work for the San Diego Zoo and looking at the pictures of all of the diverse creatures that exist in this world. But more than that, I also wonder how things work, why things are, how they got to be that way. Through writing, it is my job to try to put that sense of wonder into everything I write about so that the reader can have the same experience.
Wisdom. I’m not saying that writers are wiser than other people—but that we need to develop our wisdom. Wisdom is different from knowledge. Knowledge comes from outside and is acquired. Wisdom comes from inside and is fed by indulging in wondering, reading, doing, experiencing, asking, listening, seeing, and deciding. Wisdom is the ability to discern what knowledge we need and then to seek it out. Wisdom is knowing how to accept criticism, to learn from it and apply it to our writing. Wisdom is admitting that we will never know everything there is to know about the craft of writing and that there is always more information out there to be sought.
Work. In her book Walking on Water, Madeleine L’Engle exhorted us to write every day—that it is only when we are writing that the work can take over and become what it needs to become, what it “should” be, instead of what we perceive it to be. In what is commonly referred to as the Parable of the Talents, Jesus told a story of a master who was going on a trip. He entrusted a certain amount of money to each of three servants. Two went out and doubled the money by hard work and shrewd investment. The third hid his, afraid he was going to lose it. The master praised and rewarded the two who had used the talents he’d given them to increase them, but called the third a “wicked” servant and sent him away. Whether it’s writing, drawing, painting, singing, sculpting, playing an instrument, sports, architectural design, math, science—no matter in what area we’re talented, we weren’t given those talents to hide them away out of fear. We are to work—to work HARD—to increase the talents we are naturally gifted with as well as acquire new skills. James Scott Bell brought up a great point—even someone with perfect pitch still needs to learn how to sing before he or she will be worth listening to. So write every day—even if you don’t feel like it. Read craft books. Find online courses. Partner up with a couple of other writers and start critiquing. Seek out a mentor. Pursue your calling with all your heart and mind.
Conference Countdown–T-minus 24 Hours
Of course, the countdown in the title is the countdown to the official start of the conference. I’m actually leaving in six hours to check in to the hotel. And shortly after that, I’ll be meeting my critique partners in person for the very first time!
What is it about going to what’s basically a “business” conference that has all of us so excited? (Just check out any of the blogs we all link to.)
The fellowship, naturally. Seeing people we’ve built relationships with online, whether over years or just a few weeks. I will never forget the feeling of a family reunion at the first national conference in 2002 (back when we were American Christian Romance Writers). The organization was much smaller then and most members were active on the e-mail loop, so there was really a feeling of “knowing” just about everyone who was there (a little over one hundred, if I remember correctly). As time went on and the organization grew, we each knew that there would be no way we’d know everyone at conference—nor even meet everyone—but we have each developed our own circle of close friends, buddies, and networking acquaintances in the organization that keeps us excited about going. Even though I’ve never been to a school reunion (and wouldn’t know anyone if I went—all of my friends graduated the year before me), I’ve always associated going to conference with what it must feel like to go to a class reunion. And we get the opportunity to do it every year.
The networking opportunities. I’ve blogged about this at length in the last couple of weeks (as well as last year). I really do look forward to the opportunity to renew contacts with editors and agents I’ve met in the past, especially those I worked with when I was Vice President and recruited seven or eight to judge the Genesis contest. The editors and agents who come to the ACFW conferences are always generous with their time and their willingness to give feedback on what works and doesn’t work, what they liked and didn’t like about the contest and the contest entries. This year, it looks like there will be a lot of editors at conference I haven’t met before, so I’m looking forward to the opportunity to meet them too.
The chance to learn more about writing and the writing industry. Should this be the first one listed? For me, no. After two years of graduate school, there’s only so much that can be taught at a general-fiction conference like this that I haven’t already learned. That’s not saying I don’t try to glean as much as I can, whether for me or to share here or to tuck away for whenever I do finally start teaching Creative Writing. It’s just to say that getting to go to the workshops and seminars is an added benefit to going to conference.
There is something to be said about spending three or four days solely in the company of other writers. For the most part, many of us are very isolated when it comes to our writing. I am blessed in having a large local group, Middle Tennessee Christian Writers, that meets once a month so that I can get my “fix” of talking about writing, brainstorming ideas, learning what’s going on in the industry. So many people don’t have that outlet, though, so breaking out of their comfort zones, flying for the first time, forcing their introverted selves out amongst five-hundred other people for four days is worth it. There is just something hardwired in us humans that wants to seek out the similar in others, and when it’s a passion like writing, we get excited about it.
Changing the subject, now that I’m going to be offline until next Monday, I wanted to let y’all know that I may have some news to report mid-week next week about a project I’ve been working on. Once I know what’s going on with it, I’ll fill you in on all the details.
Until then, I’ll miss blogging every day and reading your comments—so even though I’m not here, if you are, please leave some comments so I’ll feel like I’ve been missed while I’m away. 🙂
Conference Countdown–T-minus 44 hours
In less than two days, the 2007 ACFW National Conference officially begins with the early-bird sessions. I’m not attending those, but I know many people are.
Today, I’m studying up on the editors/houses I’ve requested appointments with–reviewing their profiles on the ACFW site as well as the houses’ websites to ensure I know exactly what each one is looking for so that I can tailor my pitches to show how my novels fit their needs.
I may not get a chance to blog tomorrow–I’ll be leaving around one-thirty to go to the hotel to check in. So here’s what I’m most looking forward to at this year’s conference:
- Meeting my crit partners face to face
- Seeing old friends
- Meeting new online buddies for the first time
- The fellowship and worship
- Having a sit-down with my agent
- Being surrounded by other writers for four days
- Learning more writing craft stuff to blog about!
Conference Countdown–T-minus 70 Hours
I’m blogging from DALLAS, TEXAS, today, from the comfort of my parents’ home in one of the southern suburbs. I came in a few days early to see them before checking into the hotel on Wednesday, the night before the 2007 ACFW National Conference begins.
So, what last-minute preparations am I engaged in?
Well, I slept until nine o’clock . . . took a nice long bath in the jetted tub . . . had a cup of coffee . . . am listening to the Singers & Standards digital music channel on cable . . . read for a little while . . . am about to go fix breakfast . . . and then I’ll read all of my friends’ blogs to see what last-minute preparations they’re doing.
But, seriously, what I’m doing today is concentrating on my pitches—printing my pitch sheets (on Daddy’s color laser printer. Yes, I’m spoiled.) and reviewing the synopses to create bullet points to use in the pitch sessions to talk through the stories.
Once I’m comfortable with those, it’s on to writing. I’ve had a full requested recently—Peace in the Valley—and I told them I could have it finished by the end of October. I have about 25,000 words written and they’re looking for around 75,000. So any day when I have extra time, I’ll be diligently plugging away on that manuscript. So, be sure to check my Daily Word Count page and hold my feet to the fire if I’m not posting a daily total of more than 1,000 words. I need to average about 1,200 to 1,500 per day to meet that 75,000 length.
All right, now, ‘fess up—what are you doing today to prepare for conference?
Fun Friday–Eight More Random Facts about Me
I enjoyed doing this so much (and the discussion it created!) last week, I thought I’d continue with the randomness this week.
I will watch Law & Order: Criminial Intent any time it’s on TV—so long as it’s a Bobby (Vincent d’Onofrio) episode. If it’s a Mike (Chris Noth) episode, I probably won’t watch it. I’ve seen every Bobby episode of CI multiple times. I can pretty much tell you by five seconds into the first scene which one it is, whether it’s a Bobby or Mike episode, and, for the most part, who did it and how they solve it. I actually own the 3rd season (the season when Kathryn Erbe missed a few episodes due to having a baby) on DVD. I don’t watch the other two L&O series.
I keep my watch/clocks set several minutes ahead. My watch is about three minutes fast. My alarm clock is about ten minutes ahead. My car clock is about five minutes fast. When I look at any of these timepieces, I know they’re fast. But I’m so anxious about being late anywhere, I prefer keeping them set ahead just so that I’m not late.
I’ve slept on a waterbed since 1983. I actually still have the original bed frame, though I am on the third or fourth mattress. It’s really difficult for me to sleep well on a regular bed without lots of cushioning.
I think Oded Fehr is the best-looking man on the face of the earth. I know. You’re thinking, who? Well, let me enlighten you. Here is a PDF version of the pages of images (low-res, but still a big file) I’ve collected of him for my casting book. Not that I’ve used him as a hero in one of my books yet. The right story just hasn’t presented itself yet.
I’ve attended four universities, but have only two degrees. New Mexico State University (Las Cruces, NM), Louisiana State University (Baton Rouge, LA), Trevecca Nazarene University (Nashville, TN), and Seton Hill University (Greensburg, PA).
I think Sam Talbot should have won the second season of Top Chef. If you don’t get Bravo TV or if you don’t watch Top Chef, you can just skip on to the next one. I absolutely fell in love with Sam and have actually cast him as an artist in a contemporary romance idea I’ve been toying with. IÂ was pulling for CJ in this season’s cast and nearly cried when he was elminated this week. Now I’m rooting for Casey—I’d love to see a woman be more than an also-ran on this show. And speaking of casting Top Chef contestants in my stories, season one’s Steven is Major O’Hara’s sous chef in A Major Event Inc. because even with as annoying as Steven always was, when I saw him in the cast reunion show, he kind of grew on me.
I don’t listen to modern music. Even though I do listen to some modern singers, the music I like is what is generally called “Standards” or the “American Songbook.” It’s the music made famous by Dean Martin (my favorite classic singer), Frank Sinatra (Ruth’s favorite classic singer), Bing Crosby, Vic Damone, Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, and Mel Torme. My favorite contemporary singer is Steve Tyrell. I think Cole Porter wrote some of the best music ever, and I cry every time I watch the bio-pic De-Lovely.
I sleep with the radio on. The local NPR station in Nashville programs classical music all night, so it’s nice to have it on softly in the background. Then, when Morning Edition comes on at 5:00, I gradually start waking up so that when the alarm goes off at 6:30, it’s not ripping me out of deep REM sleep.
Networking Refresher–Wrap-up
See also Dos and Don’ts of Networking
Since I posted a long list of dos and don’ts last time I did this series, I won’t reiterate that here. But I did want to draw this review to a conclusion.
The most important part of any networking, whether social or professional, is to just be comfortable with yourself. For those of us who have naturally low self-esteem, this is difficult. And it goes against everything we’ve all been taught to say, but you have to think about the fact that there is only one YOU. By not networking—by not building relationships with others, you are denying others the opportunity and blessing to know YOU. You’re denying them of the unique qualities you have to offer. If you find you’re having a hard time believing you have anything to offer others, then you need to step back and start finding things about yourself that you like, things you’re good at. Make a list. Start with five positive things about you that are unique. Then extend it to ten. Twenty. Ask your closest friends and family to help you with this if need be. Start building a positive self-image and through this will come confidence in networking situations.
Networking, especially business networking, is hard work—even when it’s casual and enjoyable. The reason it’s hard is that we feel like we have to be “on” the entire time, we have to monitor what we say, have to pay close attention to what the person (potential editor or agent or whoever it may be) is saying to us. So be sure to do whatever you do to center yourself, to calm yourself down before you enter that situation (if you have time to prepare for it). Pray, meditate, do yoga or tai chi or breathing exercises or whatever calms you down.
If you’re just not ready, don’t force yourself to try it. Practice all of the techniques I covered in this and the original series with friends and acquaintances, but don’t force yourself into a networking situation if you’re afraid you’re going to fall apart. You won’t make a good impression on the person you’re trying to network with, and it’ll just make it harder for you to try it next time. But don’t put it off forever or you’ll never learn how to do it.
A Funny
I don’t normally post twice in the same day, and usually, I’d save something like this for Fun Friday, but since it’s four o’clock on Wednesday and the last hour of the day is just dragging, I had to share:
KayeDacus.com 