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Potential First Scene for A Case for Love

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I know I said I was going to take time off from writing between finishing Menu for Romance and starting A Case for Love, but night before last, this scene was running so loudly through my head, I had to get it down on paper. Since I stink at writing first chapters, I thought I’d float it here and see what reactions I get to it:


“There she is.”


“Over at the mailboxes.”

“Are you sure? I can’t tell from this distance.”

“That’s her car sitting in the circular drive.”

Forbes Guidry squinted against the glaring sunset and tried to force his eyes to bring the feminine figure into focus. Time to get his eyes checked again, obviously.

“Man, why don’t you just go over and introduce yourself? You’ve had a thing for her since . . . well, since I moved in and we started running together.”

Forbes turned to look at his next-door neighbor. “You’re joking, right? Just walk up and introduce myself. To Alaine Delacroix? Do you know how many men must do that on a daily basis? I don’t want to look like a groupie.” Or introduce himself to her like a dweeb only to find out she was already married or involved with someone. He preferred hanging onto his dream that he might one day casually run into the stunning local-TV celebrity, talk to her, and see interest spark in those impossibly dark eyes of hers.

“Pretend like you don’t know who she is, that you’ve never heard of her or watched her talk show.”

“It’s not a talk show. It’s a news magazine.” At least that’s how the on-screen digital cable guide classified it, which he’d seen when he set his DVR to record it every day.

“If a guy like you can’t work up the courage to approach a hot chick like her, there’s no hope for the rest of us.”

Forbes didn’t even want to know what that meant. “Come on, Duff. If we’re going to get three miles in, we’d better get a move on.”


There’s more that I’ve written, but it’s more introspection, feeling out his character following this little exchange. Right now I just don’t have anything that *pops* off the page as a good hook line/paragraph to start off with. I’ve written several little snippets from both POVs, but still waiting for inspiration to strike with that “just right” opening.

  1. Tuesday, November 25, 2008 7:31 am

    I’m definitely intrigued! 🙂 I can’t remember who the real-world template for Forbes is supposed to be…didn’t you share that once?


  2. Lori permalink
    Tuesday, November 25, 2008 8:57 am

    You could always roll some thoughts of the car first (guys are really into cars, mustangs, cameros, etc.) Then have him get intrigued with the diaolg but notice something of signifacance like a specific tricket that would have some meaning to her he would only find out later would tie them together. I am no expert, but those first moments when you see someone that you know you are attracted to (even if only on the physical sense) tend to bring embers up you long since thought were dead or none existant!
    You’ll get it. Can’t rush the creative process or how God will reveal himself in your work! 🙂


  3. Tuesday, November 25, 2008 10:44 am

    It’s Julian McMahon:

    And here’s Alaine (Morena Baccarin from Firefly):


  4. Tuesday, November 25, 2008 11:33 am

    Oooh, thanks! I remember Julian McMahon now, but don’t recall Morena as Alaine.


  5. Tuesday, November 25, 2008 8:16 pm

    It sounds good! I have no idea your story line so can’t give opinions though if it works for it or not.


  6. Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:40 am

    I’m intrigued – its not often (in fact I can’t think of _any) that start out from the hero’s perspective.

    I don’t know why but this sentance ” At least that’s how the on-screen digital cable guide classified it, which he’d seen when he set his DVR to record it every day.” doesn’t feel like it flows – it feels redundant – to me anyhow –

    I cannot wait until I get Stand-In!!! 🙂


  7. Thursday, November 27, 2008 8:49 am

    Exercising is a great opener, I think. Not used to guys talking so much, but I can see it happening in this situation. I’d like to see more movement in the scene, though, as in surroundings changing even if only within the block, to help give a measure of realistic mobility to the scene. I’d consider having him spot her as they are running, instead of at the start. Have they just stepped out of their building? Stretching? If you get them running, I’m thinking maybe even a slight trip or shove of his friend would show the distraction she caused him, as well moving the story physically.


  8. Thursday, December 4, 2008 6:21 pm

    You know I’m a total sucker for starting with the hero’s POV, so I like it. The spark of “The Right Opening” isn’t there but you’re definitely on the right track.


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