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Fun Friday—Even MORE You Know You’re a Writer If…

Friday, June 27, 2008

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Yes, it’s time once again to revisit the wonderful world of “You Know You’re a Writer If…”

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You know you’re a writer if . . .

• You’ve ever gone anywhere “in character” for research purposes.

• You know that critters aren’t cute little fuzzy animals, but the people who shred any delusions you may have about how wonderful your writing is.

• You would so buy the perfume “New Book Smell.”

• You buy tons of cool gel-ink or other nifty pens and cannot bypass a sale on your favorite spiral notepads even though you haven’t written longhand since the Clinton Administration.

• You found it much easier to write before you knew all the “rules.”

• Whenever you’re at the bookstore or library, you automatically look for the spot where your books will one day be shelved. Or if you’re published, you to go where you know your books are shelved to see if anyone has checked them out/bought them, because you know how many were there last time.

• You aren’t concerned when someone else talks about “the voices” not leaving them alone—in fact, you ask them about their voices and tell them about your own.

• You have random pieces of paper, envelopes, napkins, toilet tissue, and church bulletins scattered throughout your house and car that contain the chapter you’re currently writing.

• Your work uniform is jammies and/or sweats.

• You’ve started chewing coffee beans because actually making coffee means leaving your computer.

• Your diet consists of take-out, microwave/crockpot dinners (which your your five-year-old is in charge of), and CHOCOLATE. Your family has learned to deal with it.

• You know more than ten verbs to describe the way someone walked into the room.

• An ink stain on your middle finger is a badge of honor.

• Poorly written novels make you bipolar—elated knowing that you’re a better writer, and depressed because that hack got published and you can’t get past the acquisitions editor.

• You use semicolons (correctly) in e-mails, forums, and blog posts; you just can’t help yourself.

• It takes you forever to send a text message on your cell phone because it has to be properly spelled and punctuated. “Chatspeak” is totally incomprehensible (not to mention totally annoying) to you.

• Your writing would have made you wealthy by now, if only you’d bought stock in Panera and/or Starbucks when you started.

• When given an essay/paper assignment in school with a ten-page length requirement, the professor turns and looks at you and says, “That means ONLY ten pages!” Your response is, “Is eight-point font okay?”

• Writing is all you can think about when you don’t have time to do it, and the last thing you want to do when you set aside time for it.

• Your coworkers show up at work with red eyes and headaches from partying too much. You show up with red eyes and headache from waking up at 3 a.m. with the perfect conflict for your story.

• You have favorite words—probably a different one each week, month, or manuscript.

• You know the difference between metaphor, allegory, and analogy—and you use all of them.

• You knew you’d never make it as a journalist when you realized you’d rather make up the story than chase down witnesses or experts for quotes and details.

• The thought of sharing a computer with someone else horrifies you. What if they accidentally download a virus? What if they change the settings in Word? WHAT IF THEY READ MY STUFF???

• You live in a constant state of “What if?”

• Getting a contract on a book that’s half-written gives you the worst case of writer’s block you’ve ever experienced.

More “You Know You’re a Writer If . . .” Posts:
You Know You’re a Writer If . . .
More You Know You’re a Writer If . . .
You Know You’re A Writer If, Extended Edition

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Friday, June 27, 2008 9:23 am

    Is that you, Kaye? Are you in writer’s block mode now? Shake your head a little, and get the story rolling again!

    Like

  2. Friday, June 27, 2008 9:31 am

    I brainstormed with one of my Dazzlingly Clever Crit Partners for an hour last night and I think I’m back on track!

    Like

  3. Friday, June 27, 2008 9:48 am

    The one about sharing a computer–that’s me! Although I don’t care if my hubby reads my stuff, but if he downloads a virus, oh boy . . .

    Like

  4. Friday, June 27, 2008 10:30 am

    I love these.

    ***When given an essay/paper assignment in school with a ten-page length requirement, the professor turns and looks at you and says, “That means ONLY ten pages!” Your response is, “Is eight-point font okay?”***

    That was SO me! I use to relish my term paper assignments, and wrote at least three drafts of each before I was satisfied. No one ever had to tell me that revision is important. Seemed a no brainer, even in the fourth grade (when I began writing novels). Guess I was born with that gene. *s*

    Like

  5. Friday, June 27, 2008 12:17 pm

    You know you’re a writer if you don’t make as much money as you used to… but you don’t care!

    Like

  6. Friday, June 27, 2008 12:58 pm

    Ok, that all is sadly very close to me!!!

    –Whenever you’re at the bookstore or library, you automatically look for the spot where your books will one day be shelved–

    I JUST DID THAT EARLIER THIS WEEK! I was like, I am NEVER going to tell someone I did this, they will think I am nuts! I am glad I’m not the only one.. er.. i still hope I’m not the only one….

    –Your diet consists of take-out, microwave/crockpot dinners (which your your five-year-old is in charge of), and CHOCOLATE. Your family has learned to deal with it.–

    Yah, uh, we had corndogs last night for dinner, and probably pizza hut tonight. Nuf said!

    Like

  7. Friday, June 27, 2008 2:31 pm

    I adore working in jammies or sweats! And I love, love, love buying notebooks and pens, even if I’ll never use them all. I could spend endless hours in the office supply store.

    Like

  8. Friday, June 27, 2008 4:42 pm

    Okay, the one about buying stock in Diet Coke slayed me dead! LOL If Only!

    Like

  9. Friday, June 27, 2008 5:03 pm

    We’re all agreed on the Diet Coke! You know, Coca-Cola really is a good stock 🙂

    Like

  10. Saturday, June 28, 2008 1:55 am

    Thanks Kaye, my Friday eve was filled with laughter because of you!

    Cheers, Laurel Ann

    Like

  11. Monday, June 30, 2008 2:02 pm

    The pens and notebooks one is SO me! And I’ll be shelved next to Lori Wick. That’s a pretty good place to be. Me and Erica will bookend her!

    And sharing a computer. That used to give me the willies! My youngest brother did read some of my stuff once, many moons ago, and made fun of me. It was truly awful then because I was only 13 at the time… But still, I felt like my privacy had been ripped away. That was the main reason I bought my laptop, so I’d have my OWN computer that I didn’t have to share with another soul.

    Like

  12. Friday, April 13, 2012 9:57 am

    I’ve read three of these lists and so far this one nails me almost 100% I just discovered you, and I’m a beginner writer.

    Like

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