The first thought that came into my head ….. Admit to myself and others that I didn’t have good parents. Not earth shattering is it ? I don’t want to sell myself, or chop down the conifers that border us and our neighbours (well maybe I would like to take a machete to them !) or run naked down the High Street, shouting ‘Get a life, you sad, posh, judgemental people’ !
My ‘something’ is more subtle and personal, not least because I would judge myself. My parents were not good … There I’ve said it. Not abusive or hostile, they were just there and that’s all. No direct love or guidance. No emotion or cuddles or laughs. They were just there. Oh and my Dad was controlling and strict. I had no teenage years because I had to be controlled. I had to be in before my friends, hence I had no friends and now when I look back neither did they.
It has affected my whole life. My social skills are limited as I’m so shy. I have no confidence in myself. I’m a ‘wet lettuce’.
Now I’m going to apologise because what I have written is probably not the answer to the question. Sorry.
Jane you got me thinking. If I wouldnt be judged by anyone I would do something quite selfish I wouldn’t visit mum at the nursing home for a month or two. To some this may sound callous but mum is in a nursing home bed ridden and all she wants is to die. Shes bed ridden due to not wanting to get out to exercise the leg she broke cos it hurt to much the problem is by not doing it, it has caused her more pain in the long run as shes not using it or really exercising it so its wasting away. Im also the one who bears the brunt of the visits and gets all the issues and shes very much takes me for granted to the degree instead of asking nicely to do things its become a demand and almost rude demand which is hard to take. At one stage she would at least say would you mind now its do it and it really does wear me down.
Having a couple of weeks of recently when I went to Hawaii was liberating and freeing so I would take another month or two off and abdicate all the responsibilities.
I don’t know if it is selfish though. My Mum had cancer and I used to help, taking her to appointments etc. I didn’t want to do it but I did. I loved my Mum but resented the intrusion
into my life and family. Weirdly she used to insist on taking us for meals, even though she couldn’t eat because she had cancer cancer of the oesophagus. She tried to eat and then was sick which wasn’t pleasant in public and I was the one to look after her. I hated it.
My Dad died just before Christmas, he had dementia. I hadn’t visited for months. I knew he was well taken care of because my Brother was living with him and he was cared for at home, which I was grateful for. I was racked with guilt though.
Now they have both gone an although as I said I loved them, it is also a blessed release. No more responsibility and no more guilt.
There, I’ve said it.
You take care …… Of yourself
I think most people would want to be able to walk away from/give up our responsibilities, no matter how important they are, even just for a short time. And as an adult child caring for an aging parent, I know the stress on you must be tremendous.
Thanks I was a carer for my mum for around 10 years or more before she broke her leg and went into fultime care. I have to remember the mum she was not what she is now but at times I just want to take time out.
Jane I understand where you are coming from too. It is hard and if you dont do things you feel guilty but when you do do things with them you can feel resentful then feel guilty about feeling resentful. I have learnt with the time away after being so sick of and on last year I have to take time out for me and not feel guilty.
I have a brother who went overseas to work for a year and they had not problem not visiting and obviously not guilt so I think I can take a week or two of without being considered mean.
I dance wherever, who cares if people stare and think I’m crazy. However, I do not do it at my library job. I’ll do it at the barn in front of the horses. LOL, they think I’m just bonkers.
I live with the continual “knowledge” that everyone judges everything I do and say, so there are lots of things I won’t even let myself think/dream about doing, because I know I’ll be criticized. But if I could do anything . . .
–Not only learn belly dancing, but perform publicly at least once. (I am looking into taking belly dance classes for fitness, once my ankle is back up to scratch.)
–Take ballroom dance lessons without having to worry about whether or not I’ll have a partner.
–Flirt shamelessly with every unmarried man I run into. Maybe even ask one or two of them out. (Problem is, I don’t know where to find them!)
–Get out of the publishing game for a while and be able to come home at night and on the weekends and just vege out without having to worry about checking/answering e-mails/FB/Twitter messages, setting up blog tours/interviews, promoting books that are out AND books that are coming out, writing a book on deadline, editing projects on deadline, where my next source of income will be, how I’m going to pay my taxes, and whether or not my publishers are disappointed in me because my books aren’t earning out.
–Scratch where it itches…in public.
–Be able to say what I really think and feel about certain hot-button topics without worrying about if I’m going to ruin my writing career.
–Dye my hair the color of the background of this blog (at least chunks of it).
Ballroom dancing is so much fun!!! I do have the same problem with having a partner, but I just think of it as an opportunity to visually learn. When you’re sitting down, watch all the experienced dancers, and take in the steps that they do. That way, when you DO get asked to dance you can try it out for yourself. I love swing dancing!
Another form of dancing where no one judges you is Zumba! OMG, it is awesome! I do it with my sister, and we’re having fun and sweating and so is everyone else, so there is no worries about looking nasty and stinky. lol
Besides taking time of visiting mum.
I would love to be myself, the me I can be when I am away where no one knows me. Here having grown up in the town and church people label you and I tend to think people are judging me and assuming things which are more often wrong or making decisions for me which are not the way I feel.
When I am away people dont have preconceived ideas of who I am or who my family is etc and they just see me.
Kaye Im with you where are these nice single men!!!!!!!!!
Oh gosh, that’s a tough one, but a good sit down and think about it question. Hmmmm, I guess sing. I can’t hold a note to save my life. Much less play an instrument. I didn’t get the music gene in the family. Also without judging myself, eating a piece of cake or sweets without thinking that I will have to work hard to work it off later on. I feel guilty whenever I do that, and I actually feel better when I don’t give into temptation.
Kaye, I love your blog conversations. You are the master at getting people talking! 🙂 I’ve been AWOL for a bit, over-cooking a baby. LOL But I actually did this one. It took me a few months to get the courage to but I did finally.
I wanted to wear a hijab in my heavily white community and try to get an “inside” look at my heroine and the struggles she might face as well as simply learn more about God’s heart for all people.
It is strange because it seems off topic compared to some of the rest of you. I admire your boldness and vulnerability. Many are so much more personal seeming but if you know me then you’ll understand, I’m a rule follower, a first born and I am quite (over) confident sometimes when it comes to personality but not creative adventures, so doing something wacky especially when it comes to looking into other peoples lives is way out there for me. (Wow major run on-anyhoo) I have to admit, I grew up here and have struggled with prejudice as well as being the Christian who says “I don’t need other people, it’s just me and God.” Oh boy am I learning differently.
Answering this post in the past I would HAVE said; Leverage everything, buy 100 acres and live as a hermit(ess), writing and creating.
FYI- the nice single men are in the place you’d least expect them or least want them to be. HA! I “found” my husband in a place I said I wouldn’t be caught dead in. No it wasn’t sleezy, just my least favorite state on earth. Then, I told God and hubby I would live there “over my dead body. That place is hell on earth.”
I think that might have been my first lesson in getting over prejudice. I married “the enemy” and lived there 4 yrs! I still have to justify that one saying, “If you can’t beat em’ join em’.”
Good advice. Though I am comfortable in finding a guy in all my favorite spots. Perhaps I should take a step outside my comfort zone, so to speak? Or maybe trying out new places. Not to be hounding for Mr. Right, but also seeking out new places and getting a feel for the unfamiliar.
Or just willing. I had my eyes so closed to a certain type of guy, place, etc. Hubby was too nerdy for me and WAY too far away. The long story – I won’t go into – involves a car breaking down, Italian dinner and a 1700 mile journey home. I left saying “that’s the KIND of guy I’ll marry but this could NEVER work!” Hmmm? 😉 Happy stepping out.
my sister’s roommate’s car broke down yesterday, and the guy driving the tow truck asked her out and they had a date that night. Just goes to prove that when you least expect it, good things can happen. Though I cannot say much for the car.
I’ve done Match.com and eHarmony (paid subscriptions) for quite some time (I’ve had an eHarmony account for so long that I need to be able to re-take the personality profile because I’ve changed a lot in the last ten years since I first took it). On eHarmony, they want to match me up with people who definitely aren’t good matches for me (philosophically, theologically, politically) and who are divorced with children. (Divorced, I’d consider, but not with children in the picture. I don’t want my own kids, why would I want someone else’s and all the baggage that goes along with custody? Of course, I’ve considered that God is waiting long enough until the right man’s children are grown and no longer an issue because they’re out and on their own now.) On Match, if I don’t have a picture posted, all anyone ever asks when they communicate with me is for me to post a picture. If I do have a picture up, they aren’t interested in me because I’m overweight and have short hair. Either that, or they’re just totally creepy.
Kaye, I sometimes feel the same way. I am a bit overweight to, and I get discouraged when I don’t get any winks or messages. So it makes me think ” Why did I pay $30 for this?” What’s the point really. This is what I wanted to do. I took a chance with my heart and I was just setting myself up for disappointment. Maybe I’m just being a debbie downer, but I’m just not having the kind of luck that I would’ve hoped for. *sigh* My ” George from Stand-in Groom, or Mr. Darcy” is out there somewhere. I just need to stick to God’s will like glue, and he will put that guy in my path.
I would quit my job, move to an ocean front home and write. When I needed a break from writing, I would take long, leisurely walks along the beach enjoying the feel of the sand between my toes.
I did one of the date things once it was before the internet was widely used and the matches I got were not right. One guy was about 15 years older had mental issues and lots of health issues that would require him being cared for. Considering I was already at the beginning to start caring for mum more in the shopping, bills, etc not so much physical at that stage I didn’t want to then be left caring for this guy. The other ones were similar older desperate to be married and not really compatible.
I tried eharmony and the match they had there was also a guy in his 50s and I was im my mid 30’s and he too had health issues and very much looking for someone to care for them.
I did go to a singles christian camp here with singles from all over australia and the one guy I liked was so different back in the real world. I found I was the sister they talked to about things but not the girlfriend .
I have meet some wonderful guys at the cricket but they are not the marrying type (or they are married and there wives dont go) But I am content now being single. If I find someone I sure hope he can cook.
I’ve never really cared what people think about what I do. It’s saved me a lot of heartache throughout my life.
That said, there is one thing that always brings judgment on a woman, and I’m preparing to do it anyway. I’m not talking about it any sort of public place until after the process is started. I don’t care what everyone else thinks about it. I have to do what I feel God is leading me to do, even though it’s the one thing I never thought I would do.
The bottom line is I don’t really care what people think of what I do. Only what God thinks of my actions is my concern. Sometimes I have been in embarassing and degrading positions, but I was fully aware that I was in God’s will for my life. I figured that God would take care of what people would think.
However, I am concerned about the feelings of others — how they feel about themselves not me.
As I look back upon my younger days, I did things that weren’t “normal” like near the end of a company picnic I encouraged two other girls to join me jumping into in the swimming pool with all our clothes on. There were other things that were rather risky such as playing around Lock # 2 Dam riverbank one spring day when a group of us played hookey from high school.
I have no regrets. I wish I knew when I was young what I know now. I would have had a lot more fun.
KayeDacus.com
The first thought that came into my head ….. Admit to myself and others that I didn’t have good parents. Not earth shattering is it ? I don’t want to sell myself, or chop down the conifers that border us and our neighbours (well maybe I would like to take a machete to them !) or run naked down the High Street, shouting ‘Get a life, you sad, posh, judgemental people’ !
My ‘something’ is more subtle and personal, not least because I would judge myself. My parents were not good … There I’ve said it. Not abusive or hostile, they were just there and that’s all. No direct love or guidance. No emotion or cuddles or laughs. They were just there. Oh and my Dad was controlling and strict. I had no teenage years because I had to be controlled. I had to be in before my friends, hence I had no friends and now when I look back neither did they.
It has affected my whole life. My social skills are limited as I’m so shy. I have no confidence in myself. I’m a ‘wet lettuce’.
Now I’m going to apologise because what I have written is probably not the answer to the question. Sorry.
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Don’t feel like you have to apologize for being honest and transparent. That’s what I really want these Thursday questions to evoke.
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Jane you got me thinking. If I wouldnt be judged by anyone I would do something quite selfish I wouldn’t visit mum at the nursing home for a month or two. To some this may sound callous but mum is in a nursing home bed ridden and all she wants is to die. Shes bed ridden due to not wanting to get out to exercise the leg she broke cos it hurt to much the problem is by not doing it, it has caused her more pain in the long run as shes not using it or really exercising it so its wasting away. Im also the one who bears the brunt of the visits and gets all the issues and shes very much takes me for granted to the degree instead of asking nicely to do things its become a demand and almost rude demand which is hard to take. At one stage she would at least say would you mind now its do it and it really does wear me down.
Having a couple of weeks of recently when I went to Hawaii was liberating and freeing so I would take another month or two off and abdicate all the responsibilities.
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I don’t know if it is selfish though. My Mum had cancer and I used to help, taking her to appointments etc. I didn’t want to do it but I did. I loved my Mum but resented the intrusion
into my life and family. Weirdly she used to insist on taking us for meals, even though she couldn’t eat because she had cancer cancer of the oesophagus. She tried to eat and then was sick which wasn’t pleasant in public and I was the one to look after her. I hated it.
My Dad died just before Christmas, he had dementia. I hadn’t visited for months. I knew he was well taken care of because my Brother was living with him and he was cared for at home, which I was grateful for. I was racked with guilt though.
Now they have both gone an although as I said I loved them, it is also a blessed release. No more responsibility and no more guilt.
There, I’ve said it.
You take care …… Of yourself
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I think most people would want to be able to walk away from/give up our responsibilities, no matter how important they are, even just for a short time. And as an adult child caring for an aging parent, I know the stress on you must be tremendous.
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Thanks I was a carer for my mum for around 10 years or more before she broke her leg and went into fultime care. I have to remember the mum she was not what she is now but at times I just want to take time out.
Jane I understand where you are coming from too. It is hard and if you dont do things you feel guilty but when you do do things with them you can feel resentful then feel guilty about feeling resentful. I have learnt with the time away after being so sick of and on last year I have to take time out for me and not feel guilty.
I have a brother who went overseas to work for a year and they had not problem not visiting and obviously not guilt so I think I can take a week or two of without being considered mean.
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Simply quit my job, move to the beach with hubby, write, keep house, and work in church music.
Or dance.
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Dance . . . at the beach house, or dance publicly? 😉
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I dance wherever, who cares if people stare and think I’m crazy. However, I do not do it at my library job. I’ll do it at the barn in front of the horses. LOL, they think I’m just bonkers.
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Write a novel. Then I got over it. LOL!
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Isn’t it amazing how passion can overcome the fear of judgment?
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So true! That and lots of prayer!
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I live with the continual “knowledge” that everyone judges everything I do and say, so there are lots of things I won’t even let myself think/dream about doing, because I know I’ll be criticized. But if I could do anything . . .
–Not only learn belly dancing, but perform publicly at least once. (I am looking into taking belly dance classes for fitness, once my ankle is back up to scratch.)
–Take ballroom dance lessons without having to worry about whether or not I’ll have a partner.
–Flirt shamelessly with every unmarried man I run into. Maybe even ask one or two of them out. (Problem is, I don’t know where to find them!)
–Get out of the publishing game for a while and be able to come home at night and on the weekends and just vege out without having to worry about checking/answering e-mails/FB/Twitter messages, setting up blog tours/interviews, promoting books that are out AND books that are coming out, writing a book on deadline, editing projects on deadline, where my next source of income will be, how I’m going to pay my taxes, and whether or not my publishers are disappointed in me because my books aren’t earning out.
–Scratch where it itches…in public.
–Be able to say what I really think and feel about certain hot-button topics without worrying about if I’m going to ruin my writing career.
–Dye my hair the color of the background of this blog (at least chunks of it).
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Ballroom dancing is so much fun!!! I do have the same problem with having a partner, but I just think of it as an opportunity to visually learn. When you’re sitting down, watch all the experienced dancers, and take in the steps that they do. That way, when you DO get asked to dance you can try it out for yourself. I love swing dancing!
Another form of dancing where no one judges you is Zumba! OMG, it is awesome! I do it with my sister, and we’re having fun and sweating and so is everyone else, so there is no worries about looking nasty and stinky. lol
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I have a friend who does belly dancing in Baton Rouge. She loves it. Go for it!!
And while you’re at it, go ahead and put purple streaks in your hair. I think it’d look awesome.
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Besides taking time of visiting mum.
I would love to be myself, the me I can be when I am away where no one knows me. Here having grown up in the town and church people label you and I tend to think people are judging me and assuming things which are more often wrong or making decisions for me which are not the way I feel.
When I am away people dont have preconceived ideas of who I am or who my family is etc and they just see me.
Kaye Im with you where are these nice single men!!!!!!!!!
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write novel. Lots off good ideas just not the time or writing skills to get them on paper
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You only gain the skills by putting words on paper. 🙂 Go for it!
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Oh gosh, that’s a tough one, but a good sit down and think about it question. Hmmmm, I guess sing. I can’t hold a note to save my life. Much less play an instrument. I didn’t get the music gene in the family. Also without judging myself, eating a piece of cake or sweets without thinking that I will have to work hard to work it off later on. I feel guilty whenever I do that, and I actually feel better when I don’t give into temptation.
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Kaye, I love your blog conversations. You are the master at getting people talking! 🙂 I’ve been AWOL for a bit, over-cooking a baby. LOL But I actually did this one. It took me a few months to get the courage to but I did finally.
I wanted to wear a hijab in my heavily white community and try to get an “inside” look at my heroine and the struggles she might face as well as simply learn more about God’s heart for all people.
Here are the pictures to prove it and my thoughts http://wp.me/pFHm8-pQ
It is strange because it seems off topic compared to some of the rest of you. I admire your boldness and vulnerability. Many are so much more personal seeming but if you know me then you’ll understand, I’m a rule follower, a first born and I am quite (over) confident sometimes when it comes to personality but not creative adventures, so doing something wacky especially when it comes to looking into other peoples lives is way out there for me. (Wow major run on-anyhoo) I have to admit, I grew up here and have struggled with prejudice as well as being the Christian who says “I don’t need other people, it’s just me and God.” Oh boy am I learning differently.
Answering this post in the past I would HAVE said; Leverage everything, buy 100 acres and live as a hermit(ess), writing and creating.
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FYI- the nice single men are in the place you’d least expect them or least want them to be. HA! I “found” my husband in a place I said I wouldn’t be caught dead in. No it wasn’t sleezy, just my least favorite state on earth. Then, I told God and hubby I would live there “over my dead body. That place is hell on earth.”
I think that might have been my first lesson in getting over prejudice. I married “the enemy” and lived there 4 yrs! I still have to justify that one saying, “If you can’t beat em’ join em’.”
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Good advice. Though I am comfortable in finding a guy in all my favorite spots. Perhaps I should take a step outside my comfort zone, so to speak? Or maybe trying out new places. Not to be hounding for Mr. Right, but also seeking out new places and getting a feel for the unfamiliar.
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Or just willing. I had my eyes so closed to a certain type of guy, place, etc. Hubby was too nerdy for me and WAY too far away. The long story – I won’t go into – involves a car breaking down, Italian dinner and a 1700 mile journey home. I left saying “that’s the KIND of guy I’ll marry but this could NEVER work!” Hmmm? 😉 Happy stepping out.
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my sister’s roommate’s car broke down yesterday, and the guy driving the tow truck asked her out and they had a date that night. Just goes to prove that when you least expect it, good things can happen. Though I cannot say much for the car.
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I went so far as to join Match.com. I would never have considered finding my prince online. However, no such luck has come from this endeavor…yet 😦
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I’ve done Match.com and eHarmony (paid subscriptions) for quite some time (I’ve had an eHarmony account for so long that I need to be able to re-take the personality profile because I’ve changed a lot in the last ten years since I first took it). On eHarmony, they want to match me up with people who definitely aren’t good matches for me (philosophically, theologically, politically) and who are divorced with children. (Divorced, I’d consider, but not with children in the picture. I don’t want my own kids, why would I want someone else’s and all the baggage that goes along with custody? Of course, I’ve considered that God is waiting long enough until the right man’s children are grown and no longer an issue because they’re out and on their own now.) On Match, if I don’t have a picture posted, all anyone ever asks when they communicate with me is for me to post a picture. If I do have a picture up, they aren’t interested in me because I’m overweight and have short hair. Either that, or they’re just totally creepy.
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Kaye, I sometimes feel the same way. I am a bit overweight to, and I get discouraged when I don’t get any winks or messages. So it makes me think ” Why did I pay $30 for this?” What’s the point really. This is what I wanted to do. I took a chance with my heart and I was just setting myself up for disappointment. Maybe I’m just being a debbie downer, but I’m just not having the kind of luck that I would’ve hoped for. *sigh* My ” George from Stand-in Groom, or Mr. Darcy” is out there somewhere. I just need to stick to God’s will like glue, and he will put that guy in my path.
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I would quit my job, move to an ocean front home and write. When I needed a break from writing, I would take long, leisurely walks along the beach enjoying the feel of the sand between my toes.
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Jill, we should be neighbors.
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I’m so ready, Regina!
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I did one of the date things once it was before the internet was widely used and the matches I got were not right. One guy was about 15 years older had mental issues and lots of health issues that would require him being cared for. Considering I was already at the beginning to start caring for mum more in the shopping, bills, etc not so much physical at that stage I didn’t want to then be left caring for this guy. The other ones were similar older desperate to be married and not really compatible.
I tried eharmony and the match they had there was also a guy in his 50s and I was im my mid 30’s and he too had health issues and very much looking for someone to care for them.
I did go to a singles christian camp here with singles from all over australia and the one guy I liked was so different back in the real world. I found I was the sister they talked to about things but not the girlfriend .
I have meet some wonderful guys at the cricket but they are not the marrying type (or they are married and there wives dont go) But I am content now being single. If I find someone I sure hope he can cook.
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I’ve never really cared what people think about what I do. It’s saved me a lot of heartache throughout my life.
That said, there is one thing that always brings judgment on a woman, and I’m preparing to do it anyway. I’m not talking about it any sort of public place until after the process is started. I don’t care what everyone else thinks about it. I have to do what I feel God is leading me to do, even though it’s the one thing I never thought I would do.
LikeLike
The bottom line is I don’t really care what people think of what I do. Only what God thinks of my actions is my concern. Sometimes I have been in embarassing and degrading positions, but I was fully aware that I was in God’s will for my life. I figured that God would take care of what people would think.
However, I am concerned about the feelings of others — how they feel about themselves not me.
As I look back upon my younger days, I did things that weren’t “normal” like near the end of a company picnic I encouraged two other girls to join me jumping into in the swimming pool with all our clothes on. There were other things that were rather risky such as playing around Lock # 2 Dam riverbank one spring day when a group of us played hookey from high school.
I have no regrets. I wish I knew when I was young what I know now. I would have had a lot more fun.
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