I know I said I was going to be pulling some of my old writing from the “archives” for Fun Fridays, but since this is Halloween, I just couldn’t miss this opportunity to prove to y’all (especially you, Caleb), what a big honkin’ chicken I am when it comes to movies. I’ve narrowed it down to two reasons why I don’t like scary movies: I’m visually oriented, and I have a very vivid imagination. Once an image is imprinted on my brain, it’s hard for me to get rid of it. And once it’s there, it’s very likely my imagination will pick up and run with it. Therefore, I tend to stay away from scary movies, especially now that I live alone. So the following list represents some of the “best” and “worst” of the scary movies I’ve seen—as in, my best and worst experiences with watching a movie that frightened me.

5. The Watcher in the Woods. When I was in junior high, I attended a small Christian school where my mom was the science and math teacher. When I was in seventh grade, she was also my homeroom teacher, so it was natural that the end of the year party was at our house. We rented this movie because it was from DISNEY, even though it looked like it had some suspenseful elements. The next day, my mom got a call from one of the other teachers whose son had been at the party to ask her about the movie because Todd had nightmares all night due to this film. I don’t really remember its being that scary, but it must have been. And the reason this one is included is because of the #1 movie on this list.

4. The Silence of the Lambs. This movie came out when I was in college. My best friend, her sister, and I kind of wanted to see it, but we waited until it came out on video so we could watch it in my living room with all the lights on and the ability to stop it if it got too scary. I think I fared better watching it than they did, but we did end up with all three of us huddled together on one cushion of the sofa. For me, this was more psychologically disturbing than it was frightening, which is guess is the strength of the film as a “scary” movie. Of course now when I see it (usually while flipping channels), it makes me laugh because of all of the parodies that have been done of it, as well as the memory of the three of us huddled together in the middle of the sofa watching it.

3. Event Horizon. This film came out in the late 1990s, and my friend who’s the one who got me hooked on Star Trek and convinced me to go to my first Star Trek convention suggested we go see this movie. I’d seen previews for it (I thought I’d paid attention to them), and it looked like just another SciFi movie—Wow! I couldn’t have been more wrong. Fortunately, we went to see it at the dollar theater in the middle of the day (so it was still light when we left), but I remember thinking as I watched this movie that there couldn’t be a more apt visual description of what hell will be like. I don’t even remember what the story was about, I just remember thinking that.

2. Signs. This is my favorite “scary” movie. I know there are a lot of people who will laugh when I say that, but this is about as scary as I’ll go. You know the scene when the alien’s locked in the pantry and Mel Gibson gets down on the floor to look under the door and the alien suddenly sticks its fingers out? Not only do I experience a high level of anxiety as that scene unfolds, but I jump every single time I watch it, even though I know what’s going to happen. Sure, the solution to how to get rid of the aliens is pretty lame, but the rest of the story is so well written and acted that it’s easy to forgive M. Night Shyamalan for his lack of imagination when it came to finishing off the bad guys in this film.

1. The Pit and the Pendulum. Yes, it’s a “classic” film (i.e., it was made in 1961) and it stars Vincent Price, as all classic horror movies should. And yes, it’s based on classic literature (the short story of the same title by Edgar Allan Poe). But I have no idea what the three sixth grade teachers at my elementary school were thinking when they chose this as one of our monthly Friday afternoon movies that spring (I know it was spring because I remember hiding my eyes behind my arm which was in a cast, and I broke my arm over spring break). I tried to put it out of my mind that evening, but I did not want to go to bed that night. I tried listening to a favorite tape (maybe the taped record of Disney’s Robin Hood or Snow White and Rose Red or something like that), but when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the image of that swinging blade from the movie. And just like the parent of the kid who complained to my mom about Watcher in the Woods a year later, my mom called and complained to my teacher about showing this movie (obviously Mom didn’t learn a very important lesson about choosing films to show to kids). I don’t think I slept well for two or three weeks after seeing this film. And it’s thanks to this film that I’ve shied away from “scary” movies ever since.