As promised a couple of weeks ago, here is a list of my favorite quotes from the most quotable movie of all time, Steel Magnolias.

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Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.

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Truvy: Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin’ across your face.

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M’Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it’s been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.

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Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

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Clairee: All gay men have track lightin’. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

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Truvy: There’s so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.

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Shelby: Relax! You can’t screw up her hair. Just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet.

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Shelby: Remember what Daddy always says—an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!

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M’Lynn: Drum would never, ever point a gun at a lady.
Ouiser: Oh! He’s a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it!

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Ouiser: I have got to talk to M’Lynn about her husband. He is a boil on the butt of humanity.

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Shelby: Pink is my signature color.

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Annelle: I think we should pray.
Sammy: Oh, I’d rather eat dirt!

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Clairee: Looks like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket.
(observing the new mayor’s wife dancing)

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Truvy: I don’t trust anybody that does their own hair. I don’t think it’s normal.

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Ouiser: This is football. All people care about are touchdowns and injuries. They don’t give a damn about that grape sh*t.

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Truvy: Sammy’s so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

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Ouiser: I’m not crazy M’Lynn. I’ve just been in a bad mood for the last 40 years!

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Ouiser: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you’re satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser: Oh! Well don’t you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin’ God-only-knows-what! They’d probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

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Truvy: I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.

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Clairee: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

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Ouiser: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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Clairee: They were both high. They’d been smokin’ everything but their shoes.

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Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

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Ouiser: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

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Clairee: Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

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Ouiser: What’s the matter with you M’Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

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Clairee: M’Lynn you just missed a chance of a lifetime. Half of Chinquapin Parish would give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

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M’Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby’s hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh, God. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.