KayeDacus.com

See also Dos and Don’ts of Networking

Since I posted a long list of dos and don’ts last time I did this series, I won’t reiterate that here. But I did want to draw this review to a conclusion.

The most important part of any networking, whether social or professional, is to just be comfortable with yourself. For those of us who have naturally low self-esteem, this is difficult. And it goes against everything we’ve all been taught to say, but you have to think about the fact that there is only one YOU. By not networking—by not building relationships with others, you are denying others the opportunity and blessing to know YOU. You’re denying them of the unique qualities you have to offer. If you find you’re having a hard time believing you have anything to offer others, then you need to step back and start finding things about yourself that you like, things you’re good at. Make a list. Start with five positive things about you that are unique. Then extend it to ten. Twenty. Ask your closest friends and family to help you with this if need be. Start building a positive self-image and through this will come confidence in networking situations.

Networking, especially business networking, is hard work—even when it’s casual and enjoyable. The reason it’s hard is that we feel like we have to be “on” the entire time, we have to monitor what we say, have to pay close attention to what the person (potential editor or agent or whoever it may be) is saying to us. So be sure to do whatever you do to center yourself, to calm yourself down before you enter that situation (if you have time to prepare for it). Pray, meditate, do yoga or tai chi or breathing exercises or whatever calms you down.

If you’re just not ready, don’t force yourself to try it. Practice all of the techniques I covered in this and the original series with friends and acquaintances, but don’t force yourself into a networking situation if you’re afraid you’re going to fall apart. You won’t make a good impression on the person you’re trying to network with, and it’ll just make it harder for you to try it next time. But don’t put it off forever or you’ll never learn how to do it.

See also Networking: Stumbling Block #3—Following Up

Becuse of back trouble, I’ve been in and out (mostly out) of church for the past six weeks. Sunday before last, the first time I tried to sit through the whole service, I sat behind a young woman whom I’ve met in passing several times, whose husband I sing with in choir. She was giving the children’s sermon that morning and her back was bothering her too. But instead of asking for prayers for herself, she turned around and asked me how I was doing. I did pray for her throughout the beginning of the service and the children’s sermon, and she did a wonderful job.

Then, a few days later, I received a “Thinking of You” card in the mail from her with a very sweet handwritten note inside—expressing her sympathy over my situation, telling me that she and her husband are praying for me, and hoping that I’ll be able to get back involved in everything going on at church again soon.

I remember being so thrilled just to find a non-business-sized, hand-addressed envelope with a real stamp on it in my mailbox before even realizing it contained such a lovely sentiment. And it made me wonder:

Why did we ever stop doing this?

Again, because confession is good for the soul, I do have to admit that I’m the world’s worst at this. I always have been. You’d think that sitting down and writing someone a congratulatory, sympathy, or “with thoughts” note would be easy for a writer. But over the years, I’ve decided that note-writing is a learned skill and not something that comes naturally to 99% of the population.

For seven years, I worked for a lady who could always be counted on to write notes, especially thank-you notes. Whenever our team gave her a gift—a thank-you note. Whenever I stayed late to finish a project—a thank-you note. Whenever my parents came in town and we invited her out to lunch with us—a thank-you note. She was also great about writing notes of encouragement—whenever someone on her team achieved something, they were sure to find an envelope in their mailbox with a handwritten note telling them how excited she was about their achievement. As a Nashville native—and someone who’d worked in the advertising sales business for many years—she would cull the newspaper every morning looking for names she recognized. She would cut out the article (or the obit) and send a note to the person along with the clipping.

I was and continue to be awed by this skill. It seemed so effortless for her to just keep a stack of her “small” letterhead beside her and pick up a pen and dash off a brief, thoughtful note to someone.

Then I realized: it’s not effortless, but it is easy. So why don’t I do this?

Time.

Effort.

Self-centeredness.

Whoa. That’s hard to admit. But if we each examine ourselves for the reason(s) why we aren’t sending cards to people who’ve been absent from church for a couple of weeks, our acquaintances who’ve accomplished things great or small, friends whom we haven’t seen in a while, etc., it most likely will come down to one of these three reasons. I’ll freely admit that the reason I don’t do it is mostly self-centeredness: I just don’t think about it. If I do think about it, I have the supplies on hand. And I know it doesn’t take long to write a note. But then I’d have to find the address and then go buy stamps. Yes. I’d have to go buy stamps. The half-book of stamps I have at home are thirty-seven cent stamps. That’s how long ago it was that I bought them. Two rate increases ago.

But, I tell myself, an e-mail is just as good—and much less time and effort on my part.

Well, if the recipient is anything like me, they get dozens or scores of e-mails a day. I’m fortunate now to work in a job where getting five e-mails in one day is a heavy day. But on my home e-mail I get bunches and bunches. Not that I mind them—by no means! I love getting e-mails from family and friends and former schoolmates and MTCW members. But these are such daily occurrences that they’ve lost their uniqueness. Anyone can sit down and write an e-mail. (I’m not saying to stop sending them—they’re my lifeline, my only connection to the outside world sometimes!)

Do you remember WAAAAYYYY back when the Internet was in its infancy and e-mail was a new form of communication? It was so cool to receive an e-mail from a friend, especially one who lived far away. “You’ve got mail” were three-and-a-half words we all longed to hear ten or eleven years ago. Now that pretty much everyone has Internet access and e-mail, it has become ordinary, easy to overlook, boring, sometimes nearly meaningless—because it takes hardly any time or effort.

Now think about the last time you got a note, card, or personal letter through snail mail. The envelope that’s a different size or color that immediately differentiates it from the bills, the sales flyers, the junk mail. The handwritten address on the envelope. The real stamp—perhaps one that even reflects the personality of the sender. Do you recognize the return address? Is it from a friend? A relative? Were you sort of expecting it because it’s a special occasion (your birthday, a holiday) or is it totally out of the blue? If it is totally out of the blue, how does it make you feel to be holding it in your hands?

Now, imagine giving the gift of that feeling to someone else.

I am committing to myself that I am going to start sending a card or note to my niece and nephews (who live an eight-hour drive from me in Baton Rouge) at least once a month. What does that have to do with business networking? On the surface, nothing. But if it helps me build the skill of “effortless” note-writing, then it’s going to help me in every aspect of my life, including networking.

Who will you send a note to this month?

See also Networking: Stumbling Block #2–Communication

I’d planned to blog about face-to-face meetings with editors and agents in the conference setting today, but there’s no way I can say it as well as Camy Tang did on Gina’s blog, Portrait of a Writer . . . Interrupted:

Getting Yourself Noticed Part I
Getting Yourself Noticed Part II

So are you ready for your pitch sessions? What are your biggest concerns about meeting with an editor or agent for that frighteningly short fifteen minutes?

See also Networking: Stumbling Block #1–Fear

One of the worst things for many of us when it comes to attending writers’ conferences is mealtime. Especially if it’s our first conference or one where we really don’t know many people attending. It always takes me right back to those horrible school days when our social status was defined by which table we sat at and whom we were surrounded by at lunchtime.

This feeling has manifested itself in my life in the last year as I’ve become a regular attendee at my church’s Wednesday evening supper before choir practice. Because I get off work at five o’clock and supper starts at five thirty, I go straight there from work–but it only takes me about fifteen minutes, twenty tops, to get there. Most people don’t start arriving until right at five thirty. So I usually go in and sit at a table by myself. Sure, I chat with the senior adults (who are always there early as they come for a prayer time at four thirty), but they all have their “seating assignments” already worked out. The same people sit at the same places at the same tables from week to week. There are some weeks when, as I watch acquaintances from choir or Sunday school (I’m in a class where the other members are all married and in their 50s and 60s) go sit at other tables, I feel like that little girl no one invited to sit with them. But then something amazing happens. Various people come up and ask, “Is this seat taken?” And guess what—I end up sitting at a table with people I might not have met otherwise and usually have a really enjoyable time!

So this past week, as I was sitting there at a table by myself, I started thinking about that in the context of next week’s ACFW conference. This is my sixth ACFW conference, seventh conference ever. Having been a member since 2001 as well as serving as an officer for two years, I know tons of people in this organization. Now, I know a lot of my friends and close acquaintances won’t be there. But there are others I will be meeting face to face for the first time (waving at Georgiana and Erica and Rachel and Gina and Sally) and others I haven’t seen in a couple of years whom I look forward to sharing a couple of meals with.

But this can become a danger zone for me. Because I’m an introvert, because I’m so uncomfortable meeting new people, it’s so easy for me to just stick with sitting with only my friends. I did this at a couple of conferences—hanging out with just my crit partners or the group from Nashville and not really meeting anyone new. When I was an officer, it was really easy to just sit at the table where the other officers—and several published authors and editors—hung out. And I didn’t meet anyone new.

At the 2005 Nashville conference, one of the best things I did was hang out with my friend Allison—at the registration window. It was the place people came to ask questions, to get information. And I met so many people whose names I’d only seen in passing on the loop or forums. Then, when I walked into the ballroom/dining room for a meal, when I looked around, I saw hardly a table where I didn’t recognize someone I’d met.

Yet I still feel like that little girl who wants someone to stand up and say, “Kaye! Come sit with us!” And when it doesn’t happen, I’m sure no one likes me, no one wants to be with me. That I’m the least interesting person in the room. That I might as well just leave.

If that sounds familiar to you at all, I’m praying for you.

Writers’ conferences for most writers are both a blessing and a curse. They’re a blessing because we get to be with a bunch of other people who share our unique disorder, people who understand us when we talk about our characters as if they’re real, living people; people we can talk to about our writing without feeling like we’re boring them to death. But conferences can also feel like a curse because most writers are introverts. Being around other people for an extended period of time with no time to be alone to recharge is one of the hardest things we can force ourselves to do. Then there’s trying to get over those feelings of inadequacy and rejection when it comes to mealtime or whom we’re going to sit with in our courses.

It is one of the most basic fears we humans live with—fear of rejection. We spend so much of our lives trying on our own terms to fit in, trying to make friends, trying not to offend other people (most of us, anyway), that when we’re thrust into a conference-type environment, where we’re no longer on our own terms, the fear instinct to flee, to withdraw, kicks in. And even though it may not seem like it while I’m in Dallas next week, I’ll be struggling with this the entire conference. I have a very strong “flee” instinct that I’m continually fighting against. So I have to remind myself that it’s up to me to walk up to a table and ask, “Is this seat taken?” or else I may never have a chance to get to know the person who’s sitting there feeling the exact same way I do.

So, if you’re going to the ACFW conference for the very first time and feel like you don’t know anyone, come find me. I’ll be the one smiling and saying, “Come sit with us!”

See also Networking = Name Recognition = Marketing, Networking: Addendum to Building Name Recognition

Yesterday, I gave some suggestions of how you can start networking when you don’t have the means to go to conferences or spend face-to-face time with other writers.

Aside from building contacts and learning more about the industry, the other important thing you’re doing is building name recognition.

Most of us know other unpublished authors. But think of the ones you know that it surprised you when you found out they’re actually unpublished because they seem so actively involved in the writing community, so knowledgable about the publishing industry, so connected to other published authors.

There is a negative side to building your network/creating name recognition—and that is when it comes to issues that are controversial. I wrote in the original series that I’ve chosen not to blog about hot-button topics such as politics, the war, etc., because I know that not everyone who might read my blog would agree with what I think/believe. Even though there are some blogs/online magazines I enjoy reading that write about these kinds of topics (the ones whose beliefs and thoughts coincide with mine for the most part), I do not leave comments on them—most comments are now searchable! (I did this ONCE five or six years ago and it still comes up pretty high in the results when I Google my name!) I don’t want to do anything that might antagonize potential readers, or anything that will taint my image as a professional writer.

This doesn’t just happen with blogs. This is also true with the e-mails we send to groups we’re members of. You don’t want to be so concerned about your image that you don’t express any beliefs or stick to your guns when you’re called on the carpet about something. It just means that you’ve carefully considered everything you’ve written, that you’re not just shooting from the hip, giving in to your knee-jerk reaction. Be thoughtful and considerate when expressing your opinion on topics that might get heated. And if you disagree with another member of the group—whatever you do, don’t make the disagreement public by posting your argument on the main loop! Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

When we first start trying to break into the publishing world, our name is our brand. What do you want potential readers, editors, and agents to think of when they hear or see your name? Oh, that’s that person who’s quick to start a fight on the e-mail loop? Or—hey, that’s that guy with the great blog about men who love to cook.

So how are you building name recognition? What image are you developing? And what do you want your “brand” to be—what do you want people to think of when they see your name?

Update 10:11 AM
Amy Jane asked me a few questions about the importance of organization memberships for networking, which I answered in the comments on yesterday’s post. But then the question came up about memberships vs. blogging for networking. Here’s part of my answer to her:

About nine months ago, I decided I wanted to try to increase the number of visits to my blog. So I switched from Blogger to WordPress, where I could make my page my own with a domain and more customizable look. I then went to the blogs of a couple of people I know through ACFW who have forty or fifty links to other writers’ blogs listed on theirs. I copied all of them into a word document, consolidated them, and once a week I would take an hour to an hour and a half and go through the list and read at least the most recent post on all of them. When I ran across those who didn’t update their blogs very often (or ever), I eliminated them from the list. I didn’t comment on every blog every week. Out of about fifty sites, I may have left comments on five or six each week–and most of those are now in my Bloglinks list on my site. Sure it was time consuming, but aside from increasing the readership of my blog from 20-30 hits per day to an average of 90-100 per day (at least half of which come from keyword searches and don’t become regular readers), it’s how I met my critique partners, Georgiana and Erica. We were frequenting the same blogs and starting up conversations in our comments on other people’s and our own blogs.

My blog reading is now down to the list that’s on my site. Each morning, in about fifteen or twenty minutes, I visit each of them and leave comments when moved to.

Granted, I have the added networking advantage of being a member of ACFW and active on the forums where I have a link to the blog in my signature line–as well as the opportunity to post announcements there of the series I do. I had considerd letting my membership lapse this past spring, as I don’t read the thirty, forty, fifty or more e-mails that go through the main loop every day (same topics tend to repeat every three or four months as the organization grows), but then I started getting more active on the forums and realized I didn’t want to give up that outlet. But I am deriving benefit from that membership fee, so it’s worth it.

You don’t HAVE to network to get published. All you have to do is write good stories and submit, submit, submit. There are plenty of published authors who aren’t members of writing organizations (for example, James Scott Bell, who is the key note speaker at this year’s ACFW conference–though he’s being given an honorary membership for being the main speaker, he hasn’t been a member up until now). It’s an advantage to be able to say in your bio that you’re a member of this organization or that which gives you an outlet for word-of-mouth marketing if you are published, but I don’t know that a publishing house has ever turned down a great author simply because he or she didn’t have the right club memberships.

See also Networking–What is it, really?

I worked in the advertising industry for thirteen years before moving over into the publishing world. When I first started in advertising, if I’d been asked to define or describe networking, it would have been what I saw the sales reps I worked with doing—being pushy, forcing people who didn’t really want to talk to them to do so, and above all, closing the sale. Networking and sales to my uninformed mind were the same thing—seven nos means a yes. In other words, keep going back, keep pushing, keep putting on the pressure for the person to say yes.

I now know this is not networking. This is sales.

Networking is a much gentler, more refined skill. Networking is building relationships. Networking is more listening and less talking. Networking is not pushing someone else to do something for you or give you something; networking is creating a positive image of yourself by learning when not to push.

Case in point:

Randy Ingermanson identifies writers’ skill levels by using the terms Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior. He suggests that when Freshmen and Sophomore writers (and even some early Juniors) set editor/agent appointments, it may be a better idea for them to not pitch anything. But instead, they should go in and ask questions about the industry, about the particular publishing house/agency. By doing this, the amateur/beginner writer is creating a more positive image by showing the editor or agent that you’re interested in growing, in learning more about the industry. (To see more about this, visit Gina’s blog, Writer…Interrupted.)

In the sales industry, there are two types of selling: the hard sell and the soft sell. The hard sell can be summed up by the statment, “He could sell ice to an Eskimo.” This is the P.T. Barnum method—the in your face, my product is the best in the world, let me show you the demographics and statistics, pressure-pressure-pressure sell. These are the sales reps who make the big bucks, but who also lose a lot of clients because of their abrasive methods. You always know they’re trying to sell you something. This is not the impression we want to give off.

The soft sell is word of mouth, brand-image sales. It’s a new restaurant that opens its doors to bloggers first and gives them a free sample meal in hopes of receiving tons of positive reviews. It’s me telling a friend at work that I just recently bought a certain type of hair product, and I absolutely adore it. It’s every time I mention Stein on Writing on this blog (have you bought your copy yet?). It’s creating an image that generates brand-loyalty. Why do millions of people buy John Grisham’s new novel without even knowing what it’s really about? Because they’re loyal to his image, to the brand he’s created as a writer. This is much closer to what networking is all about.

So how can you start networking if you can’t afford to attend conferences or don’t yet have the gumption to break out of your shell and talk to strangers?

Become an avid blog reader and commenter. Visit blogs of your favorite authors and start leaving comments—not just random comments, but thoughtful insights and responses to what the person has written. But not in such a way that you’re trying to pull the attention away from the blogger’s post and onto yourself. Be respectful and humble.

Become a blogger. Make sure your blog has a focus. Do you write about characters who are gardeners? Make your blog gardening related. Blogs that have a focused topic (like writing or gardening) tend to be better read than those that read more like a personal diary.

Participate in online author/editor/agent chats. These are usually hosted through a writing organization like ACFW or RWA. Again, don’t just post randomly or try to pull the attention away from the guest and onto yourself.

Become actively involved in organizations. Even if it’s just an online group that never meets face to face. It’s almost a must for writers who really want to succeed to join a writing group—whether it’s ACFW or ACW, RWA or MWA, or even a local or regional general writing group. Get involved and start communicating with other writers.

What are some other ways you’ve found to start networking without having to do it face to face?

Back in July 2006, I started a series about Networking by relating an experience I took advantage of when I saw someone I’d worked with at the newspaper doing a book signing at a local Barnes & Noble ($3, Book–$12, Networking–Priceless). While nothing ever came of that opportunity, here’s another one that has worked out for me.

In the spring of 2005, I was halfway through grad school, serving as VP of ACFW, and working in a job that was just sapping all joy from me. I wanted to break into the publishing industry and was willing to do it from either the marketing or the editorial side. A friend of mine e-mailed me one day that the then-publisher of Warner Faith (now FaithWords) had announced on a published-authors’ loop that he was looking for an editorial assistant.

I immediately put together a resume package and drove down to the office and dropped it off. As chance (or Providence) would have it, Chip MacGregor was coming through the lobby on his way out of the office. He stopped, recognizing me from the several times we’d crossed paths at previous ACFW conferences. He didn’t have time to talk then, but took my resume with him on his out-of-town trip.

A couple of weeks later, he called me in for an interview. He told me that the position had been reallocated, so he didn’t really have any job to hire me for, but that he’d still wanted to meet with me. We discussed my career plans (he gave me some of the best career advice I’ve ever received, which led to my eventually becoming a copy editor at another publishing house). We then started talking about ACFW. Our conversation turned into a working relationship as Warner Faith became the sponsor for the next year’s ACFW Genesis Contest for unpublished authors.

At the 2005 ACFW conference, I took Chip’s continuing ed. course, which I learned so much from, but also used it as an opportunity to do a little more networking. He even introduced me to one of his editors who was at the conference.

In 2006, my manuscript was a top-five finalist in the Genesis contest. I hadn’t planned to attend the conference, but when I learned my status, I decided to go just for the awards ceremony. It would give me a chance to see a few friends—and it would give me the opportunity to speak to the agent I really wanted to submit to. And, while I was there, I planned to connect with Chip MacGregor, just to keep that line of networking open.

Upon my arrival at the public book signing (just before the banquet), I heard that Chip had announced earlier at the conference that he was leaving FaithWords and starting his own agency. I knew then that I needed to submit to him. So, fighting back my abject fear of putting myself forward and initiating a conversation, I caught him in the hall. He was on his way to an appointment but was more than willing to look at my submission. I got his business card and tucked it away. I did the same with the other agent. I’d been so sure God had been directing me toward submitting to the first agent that finding out Chip was now back in the agent-game just seemed icing on the cake.

God knew best, of course. The first agent resoundingly rejected my manuscript. A few days later, Chip called and asked for a full. I signed with him just a few months later.

As an unpublished author, signing on with one of the top agents in the industry is a miracle in and of itself. As a Christian, I can look back over the past few years and see all of the times when He appointed my path to cross Chip’s. As someone who has spent years learning how to network, I know that if I had not recognized and taken the opportunities to forge a professional-level relationship with Chip, he might not have been so willing to sign an unproven author.

Networking still does not come easily to me—especially now that I work in a small office, I’m not going to a week-long residency with seventy or eighty other students twice a year, and I don’t usually find myself in situations where I’m having to exert myself. So I have a feeling getting back into the swing of networking is going to be harder at the 2007 ACFW Conference in two weeks. But I’m going to try to take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way.

Okay, your turn now—what results have you seen results from professional networking?

A while ago, I wrote a blog entry about why Facebook is better than MySpace in which I referred to having a page on MySpace as sitting on a barstool in the skankiest singles bar in cyberspace (or something to that effect).

Now that I’ve been using Facebook for more than six months, I’ve really come to appreciate the clean lines, the lack of bizarre ads, the “news feed” feature that shows me what my friends have been up to, the status updates, along with the how the different “apps” that can be added to my profile don’t overwhelm my profile page with unnecessary graphics–and anything that has flash/animation/sound capability has to be clicked on to start. No automatic music playing or waiting for animations to load when viewing someone’s profile.

But the thing I’ve come to appreciate most of all is the level of privacy/security Facebook affords. Here’s the information from the “Privacy” page:

Privacy Overview
Facebook wants you to share your information with exactly the people you want to see it. On this page, you’ll find all the controls you need to set who can see your profile and the stuff in it, who can find and contact you on Facebook, and more.

Profile
You are in one network and you can control who can see your profile, contact information, groups, wall, photos, posted items, online status, and status updates.

Search
You can control who can find you in searches and what appears in your search listing.

News Feed and Mini-Feed
You can control what actions show up in your Mini-Feed and your friends’ News Feeds.

Poke, Message, and Friend Request
You can select which parts of your profile are visible to people you contact through a poke, message, or friend request.

Applications
You can edit your privacy for applications you have added to your account, applications that you have used on another website, and other applications built on Facebook Platform.

(And I just have to say—I love the fact that whoever wrote this knows how to use commas and apostrophes correctly.)

I mentioned in the other post about some of the creepy e-mails I’d been getting at MySpace. Well, they stopped for a while. But in recent days, I’ve been inundated with them, whether they’re simple text e-mails from users asking me if I’ve ever had my feet licked (reported it to “abuse,” blocked the sender) or saying, “You’re cute, I hope we can meet” (reported it to “abuse,” blocked the sender, set my profile to “private” which supposedly means it’s only available to approved friends). Since setting my profile to private, the number of unwanted messages has actually increased. I’ve gotten messages about debt consolidation, dating services, escort services, over-eighteen-only sites (on MySpace and off), and a few more sexually harrassing e-mails from other users. After receiving three spam messages today and never hearing anything back from customer service on my previous complaints, I finally had enough. I cancelled my MySpace account.

I already feel safer. I feel cleansed. I feel like my couple of friends who contacted me only through MySpace will have to figure out how to e-mail me through my regular e-mail account . . . or get a Facebook account and contact me there (at least one already has).

I originally set up a MySpace account because it was supposed to be the best place for not just social networking, but marketing myself as a writer—to start building a readership base before getting published. But you know what? My blog does that. Because I write so much about common writing-related topics, I get tons of hits from websearch sites that lead to several page views per visit. And they don’t leave me comments asking me if I’ve ever had my feet licked. Or if they did, I’d catch them before they would even be posted, as until I approve someone to be able to post comments, I have the opportunity to moderate any comments coming through.

On Facebook, not only have I had the opportunity to network with and keep up with what’s going on with a couple dozen other writers, but I’ve connected with members of my family I’d never really had the chance to get to know well before, separated as we are by age and distance.

MySpace can have their skanky singles bar. I’d much rather go hang out in the safe coffee house that is Facebook.

Okay, I know, it’s Saturday and not Friday. But I didn’t get a chance to post this yesterday.

What is it about online communities like My Space and Facebook that make them so addictive? Let’s face it—e-mail is much easier. For me, anyway, because I have Outlook set up on my computer to automatically go retrieve my e-mail. I have a few friends who communicate with me solely through comments and e-mails on My Space—even though we have each other’s e-mail addresses and phone numbers!

I set up a My Space page over a year ago simply because I heard that it was a great networking tool. For a while, it was nice, because I was able to keep in touch with people I’d worked with at The Tennessean after I left—no worrying about someone’s e-mail address changing, and the added benefit of finding out more about that person than I knew about them in the years I’d worked with them simply from reading their profile pages. But My Space is slow. Most of the pages are overwhelmed with graphic-laden themes that take forever to load. And don’t get me started about trying to be discreet and look at someone’s page and all of a sudden some nasty acid rock or other loud music starts playing. (See my friend Jill’s blog for why embedded music players on websites could be illegal.) Not to mention the fact that I’ve received some very questionable e-mails in my inbox at My Space that, frankly, creeped me out. I set it up to use it as a marketing/networking tool—not as a barstool in the skankiest singles bar in cyberspace. But it is fun to be able to click on my friends’ pages and see what’s going on in their lives at the moment.

Facebook used to be limited to “.edu,” “.com,” “.org,” “.gov” or “.mil” email addresses, but changed to be open to everyone last fall. A few weeks ago, a writing colleague started a Christian Fiction group on Facebook and sent me an invitation to join. I had, a while back, set up an account, thinking I could use it as an outreach tool for the college Sunday school class I teach. But I’d never done anything with it. However, in the past week, I’ve become a Facebook addict. One of the awesome things about Facebook is the presence of college students—including my oldest nephew and college-aged/recently graduated cousins with whom I have little contact throughout the year. Usually I see them at Christmastime and at other extended-family gatherings. But we sure don’t e-mail each other and keep up with what’s going on in the other’s lives. (Except as their parents choose to share with the family via e-mail.) And I get to see the photos of all the cute little college girls who are leaving comments on my nephew’s wall. (And there are a lot of them. Atta boy!)

One of the best things I love about Facebook is that there are no bells-and-whistles templates for people’s profile pages. Everyone’s page is laid out the same—meaning if I’m looking for their biographical information, it’s going to be in the same place on each profile I look at. Facebook also has a Newsfeed feature—showing what the people in my friends-list have been up to recently. This is a great networking tool, because if one of my friends joins a group, I learn about its existence. If one of my friends becomes friends with someone else, I can look to see if it’s someone I’d be interested in networking with (usually it’s not, but I still check). Each person is able to post their status too—this is a quick caption that starts of “Kaye is…” and wants you to put in whatever it is you’re doing at the time you’re logged in:
–writing
–looking forward to the weekend
–writing a post for her blog

I’m not sure if it’s because many people don’t know about Facebook yet, or if it’s because it’s actually true, but Facebook feels like a much more secure/safe environment than My Space. Maybe it’s just because it looks cleaner that makes it feel cleaner and safer, but I’m having so much more fun with it than I ever had with My Space.

To me, My Space is a psychedelically decorated, dark, dank, smoke-filled, music-too-loud, drunk-patron filled night club; while Facebook is clean, bright, airy, filled with squashy-sofas, humming with a buzz of conversation, fun place to run in and “poke” people, great-place-to-run-into-familiar-faces coffeehouse.

So, pour me another latte . . . I’m off to catch up on my news and status feeds on Facebook.

I’ve been discussing networking for a couple of weeks now, so here’s a list of dos and don’ts to summarize what I’ve learned through this journey:

• Don’t give up!
• Do have confidence in yourself!
• Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you! Do go out and make your own opportunities!
• Don’t be afraid!
• Do make eye contact!
• Do plan what you’re going to say ahead of time!
• Don’t go into every situation with an agenda!
• Do collect business cards! Don’t just let them sit in a drawer! Do follow up with those contacts!
• Do start conversations! Do ask people about themselves!
• Don’t wait for networking opportunities to come to you. Do get out there—find new people to network with—a great source is www.meetup.com to find groups meeting in your area!
• Do ask for advice!
• Don’t retreat to a corner!
• Do watch others as they network. Pick up pointers of other dos and don’ts through observation!
• Don’t assume when someone doesn’t respond to you or doesn’t let you have that seat that you’re being rejected. Don’t get discouraged.
• Do refresh yourself with time alone or time with your supporting group of friends/family.
• Don’t put off networking. Building your network of contacts now will lead to more success in the future.
• Don’t talk someone’s ear off. Do know when to shut-up.
• Don’t stalk the person you’re trying to network with. Do know when to walk away.
• Do learn how to write good letters and e-mails.
• Do practice speaking to business contacts on the phone.
• Do treat everyone you come in contact with as you would like to be treated if you were in his or her shoes.