But is that bad?

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Nope”

“Oh that’s so sad. I wish you had a boyfriend. I’m sure there are lots of great guys back there in Texas. Have you tried…..blah….blah…blah….blah….blah. You know I was married and had x amount of children by your age. You really should find someone blah….blah….blah….blah.

So if you don’t deflect, then you end up either having to defend your singlenss, defend being setup by a yenta, or explain for the upteenth time that “yes, I do go to church. No there aren’t any single guys there.” And then explain about East Texas culture (people marry young here) to the same people I explained this to the year before but apparently promptly forgot what I said or was ignoring me. Which means that since they really don’t have anything else to talk about and that they are “happily” married means that they should just give you advice after advice after advice of stuff you’ve heard a gazillion times already.

Deflecting works wonders. Lowers the blood pressure. Doctors should prescribe it more often.

On the flip side – this is the first year in a few years when I haven’t spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family (its happened before too though) – but I do have some friends that I know I am always welcome in their home. I’ve already been thinking that I may not go anywhere this Christmas and just enjoy the day at home with my fur-babies.

Of course, there’s always the option of priming the pump—contacting several other family members ahead of time, asking them to help out in deflecting those questions or in spreading the word around the family that while yes, you are still single and, yes, you do someday want to get married, we’re here to enjoy Christmas together and spend time being thankful for what we have—not focusing on what a particular family member doesn’t have.

My only suggestion is embrace who and where you are. Why deflect? Deflection suggests the topic is uncomfortable which makes people want to ask more questions. Rather, give a simple answer. “Are you seeing anyone?” “No, not at this time.” “What happened to…?” “We’re not together anymore.” Then, ALWAYS follow your response with a smile and look the other person straight in the eye. The other person will be less comfortable than you–they know they really shouldn’t be asking that way–and you’ll both move on to more interesting subjects.

Loved your post, too. 30 is right around the corner for me, and I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 15. Christmas used to be a lot harder for me than it is now. I don’t know how/why my attitude has changed, or maybe I just instinctively put into practice some of the things you suggested. I definitely steer clear of friends/family who ask those crazy questions, and I usually have a quick comeback for anyone who wants to know why I’m not married yet. My comeback this year, has been: If I was dating someone, I’d have no time to write, and you know … have my books published. Have you read my book yet?

I LOVE to give gifts, so one thing that I’ve done in the last several years is look for needs among my family and friends and found ways to give gifts to meet those. I spend so much time shopping for people who have needs that I can help meet that I don’t worry about not buying gifts for a special someone. I look for areas that God might use me, and it’s really cool to see Him provide those.

I’m also the aunt to 4 awesome kiddos, so when I’m with my family, I always spend time with them, which only sometimes makes me wish I was closer to having a family of my own. Mostly I just enjoy that I’m free to love on them with undivided attention.

But like you said, Christmas isn’t about focusing on ourselves, or even others. It’s about adoring Christ and celebrating His birth.

I hope you have a very wonderful Christmas! May your New Year be filled with joy, peace, and God’s blessings.