Comments on: “Say what?” she intoned incredulously.

By: Robert Graham

Robert Graham — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:01:50 +0000

Got sidetracked. Busy time of the year.

Thank you for your response.

Robert

By: Kaye Dacus

Kaye Dacus — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:01:19 +0000

Robert–
Yes, having the tag before the dialogue can work quite effectively. Perhaps by giving the example I did of having it follow the dialogue above didn’t show that it should be mixed up. Having the tag come either always after or always before the dialogue creates a monotonous pattern that would get really old really fast.

Sometimes, the words spoken are more important than the emotion/action behind them. Sometimes, the person’s thought is the more important thing. But just like there needs to be a balance between the amount of dialogue and the amount of narrative, there needs to be a balance in how the dialogue/narrative are arranged so that the reader doesn’t get lulled into a stupor by being presented with the same pattern every time.

By: Robert Graham

Robert Graham — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:52:31 +0000

Tagging order:

I borrowed the examples above and simply rearranged the tagging. Why couldn’t this sequencing work?

A police officer came into view in the passenger-side window. “Are you all right, ma’am?”

Kelly’s throat stung and scratched, and she coughed, unable to get the nasty, metallic-tasting powder from the airbag out of her windpipe. “I think so.”

By ordering the tagging this way, you (1) can easily avoid “he said” “she said”, but you also (2) help the reader know AHEAD of time who’s doing the talking, AND often times, in what emotion the words are said.

I can’t tell you how upset I became when I used to try to read stories out loud to my young sons. I’d be *enthusiastically* reading dialog between two or more characters, only to crash and burn dramatically when I discovered that I’d misread a long line of dialog – in the wrong voice, or with the wrong emotion.

I vowed then and there that if I were ever to write a story I’d NOT identify a character (and the mood of his or her speech) AFTER the character spoke.

Then, what if the above examples were tweaked a bit to allow a peek inside the characters mental state?

A police officer ran up to car and frantically pulled at the shattered passenger-side window. “Are you all right, ma’am?”

Kelly’s throat stung and scratched, and she coughed, unable to get the nasty, metallic-tasting powder from the airbag out of her windpipe. Dazed, she turned toward the officer. “I think so.”

Concerning the tagging order, or sequence, (and feeling the need to telegraph the reader as to the mood/emotion/tone of the character’s words) am I off anywhere here? I ask this sincerely.

Thanks.

Robert

By: Kaye Dacus

Kaye Dacus — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 19:54:35 +0000

I’ve found some of those “embellished” verbs sneaking into my dialogue tags in Menu for Romance. We’ll see what happens when the editors get hold of it!

By: Kara S

Kara S — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 19:50:39 +0000

Thanks for the great explanation and examples. This is the clearest post/article that I’ve read about dialogue tags in a long time.

By: Lori Benton

Lori Benton — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:27:37 +0000

It depends on the rhythm I’m trying to create with the narrative and dialogue. I prefer beats, but I’ll stick a said in there when I want to slow the rhythm or create a pause where a period or a comma or beat won’t work. Reading my scenes out loud makes it clear whether “said” is needed. I usually end up weeding them out for a cleaner, leaner flow.

By: Alexandra

Alexandra — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 04:25:14 +0000

Ouch. I have a weakness with tags. I’ve been working on cutting them out more…thanks for the post!

By: Jess

Jess — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:39:36 +0000

Oh man. The Twilight thing is so true. In the second book, she gets marginally better about this, but people start saying things “through unmoving lips.” Perhaps vampires have speakers inside their mouths. I don’t know. I’ve never met one.
The worst is when people “smile” things. I mean, how does that work?
But I really like “said gently” and “said softly.” So I try to save it for special occasions. Like chocolate.

By: Eileen Astels

Eileen Astels — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:34:16 +0000

I try to avoid dialogue tags, too. But when I absolutely need one, I stick with ‘said’ as well. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, as with everything in life.

I like using beats, as they add so much more to the story than tags do.

By: PatriciaW

PatriciaW — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:29:47 +0000

I much prefer action beats to dialogue tags.

As a reader, I find that my eye visually skips everything after the closing quotation mark, up to the period. It speeds up the reading. But when I do slow myself down, I’m sure I read books regularly with dialogue tags other than “said”. In fact, if the only thing I find is “said”, it starts to get repetitious and therefore, annoying. I’m thinking there must be some opportunity for balance.